Such Sweet Sorrow

Twenty-Five

Eloise Waldorf

I had only returned back to my dorm five minutes ago when I heard a small knock at my door, which I immediately assumed to be a younger student asking for clarification to see if school was actually indeed cancelled for the next two days before they pulled some sort of all-nighter. 

But when I opened the door, I found a familiar red head in black and maroon robes. 

"Hey Ellie." Ginny's face lit up as the door opened. 

"Hi..." I replied, surprised to see her, in all honesty. 

"Can we talk?" Ginny asked, "I miss you." 

There was a pang in my chest as I looked into the eyes of the girl that I still considered to be my best friend, but felt almost betrayed by lately. But no matter what, I felt that I needed to give her the benefit of the doubt. 

"Sure. Come in." I opened the door wider, "I was just about to make some tea. Would you like some?" 

"Um--yes. Please. Thank you." Ginny nodded with a polite smile. 

The silence was a bit tense as I made our tea. Ginny sat on the couch, looking around the room with her posture as straight as a board. I chewed on the inside of my lip, trying to mentally prepare myself for whatever this conversation was about to bring forth. 

Was she going to speak to me as if I were a charity case? Was she going to speak to me as if I didn't understand how I was feeling or behaving? Was she going to apologize? Was she going to criticize me too? 

The thoughts raced through my head and I was scrambling to grab hold of their lead before they dragged me down completely. 

"How much honey?" I asked over my shoulder. 

"One spoon is fine. Splash of milk as well." she replied in a light voice that floated like feathers. The type of voice she put on when she was being sincere. That put me at ease a bit. 

"I feel like we haven't talked in ages." Ginny started the conversation as her tea floated over into her hands, "I've been so busy balancing rounds and keeping up with assignments I've hardly had time to catch a full night's sleep." 

I nodded in agreement and took a sip of the piping hot liquid, not even minding when it burned my tongue a bit. It was still sweet, nonetheless. 

"How is everything going with Nott and Malfoy?" Ginny flicked her eyes up to meet mine, "Seems you lot are getting along." 

"Yeah, we are." I smiled softly. Little did she know. "They've changed quite a bit since their school boy days, thank Merlin. At lot less name calling, that's for sure." 

Ginny laughed a bit, "Astoria still calls me Weaslette sometimes, but its become almost a phrase of endearment, so I would say that's progress." 

Now I was laughing. Just enough to shake my shoulders, but still laughing. 

"Listen, Ellie...I know that you've been...struggling lately, and I know that you and Cedric seemed to have had a falling out as well and...well, I just feel bad for not reaching out to you sooner. You have been there for me through so much, and I feel like a shit friend for not coming to you as soon as I sensed you might need support."

A part of me didn't want to hold on to the tiny strand of resentment I was feeling at the moment. I wanted to fully forgive her immediately, but what good would that do? What if things just went back to how they used to be? Me, grasping for a life line, and them, whispering about it as I was drowning beneath the surface.

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm not even sure what the hell is wrong with me to begin with. The healers said something about...surivor's guilt but...this doesn't feel like guilt. It's...quite confusing." I sighed heavily, "I didn't even realize how it was impacting me until Cedric basically blew up on me the other night."