Big Brothers

It's You

"Where were you?" I ask Jason.

"Why does it matter? I'm here now." He says.

"Exactly. That's the point." I feel my sadness turn into anger. "James had to carry your "other half". Where the hell were you?!"

He turns to me confused. As if I should've given him a pass. I don't care for these stupid details he brought. Alex died for nothing. We would've found that out a while ago. That's no excuse to miss your brothers funeral.

"Who are you to demand explanations from me?" He says. "You... and- and him."

He points right at James and I.

"You both are the reason why we're here." He explodes. "If it weren't for your nosy ass, we wouldn't be here."

"Are you seriously blaming this on me?!" I yell. "You're pinning this on me?!"

"Guys enough." Chris scolds.

"This is your fault. You should've kept your ass home and let Toby do what he needed to do." Jason turns his gaze to me. "Now, because of your stupidity, Alex is dead!"

"Hey man, enough." James tries to step in.

"And you-" Jason runs and punches James right in the nose.

I'm shocked at his reaction. Where is this all coming from? Jason would never act like this!

James stumbles a little. What the hell is his problem?! Mom screams for them to stop but they don't listen. James returns the hits and Jason responds.

"JASON!" Chris screams and rips him off of James.

"You stay away from Lea." Jason demands. "Do you understand me?!"

I'm still in shock to even respond.

"What-"

"Do you understand me?!" Jason screams louder. "You're going to stay away from her if you know what's best for you."

"No. You can't do that!" I scream.

This isn't his fault! This isn't anyone's fault. What does he gain from punishing me like this?

"SHUT UP!" He snaps. "James, leave."

I look back at James. This can't be happening.

"It's ok. It's ok." He walks over to me and kisses my forehead.

"Jason, you need to control yourself." Mom starts to scold him.

"Why are you doing this?" I cry.

"Stop asking stupid questions." He rips me away from James. "Leave."

"James-"

"Leave. Now." Jason orders again.

James gives him the dirtiest look before responding. "I'm leaving. Not for you... but for Lea."

With that... he's gone.
~~~~~~~~~
"Who taught you to act like this?!" Mom screams from the kitchen.

"I had a right to act like that!" Jason screams.

"At your brothers funeral, are you kidding me?" Chris slams something on the table which makes a loud 'boom.'

I'm tucked in bed at exactly 4:47pm. I can't even think straight. I'm sure Jason didn't mean what he said. He couldn't have meant it. Today didn't go as peacefully as I thought it would.

I shift my body to feel more comfortable. It doesn't work. I feel so exhausted from crying. My eyes feel so puffy. They're probably so red. I haven't looked at myself in the mirror. Once I got home, I ran straight to my room. The car ride was just arguing.

I feel so broken. No... broken isn't the word. More like misplaced? It's a feeling I've never felt before. I guess I could sum it up as one word. Shit. I feel like shit.

"You blamed this on your sister. Do you think that was smart?!" Mom screams.

I squeeze my eyes shut and take a deep breath. I have to think about anything else. I just want to run away and never come back. All I want is to disappear. Maybe that'll be better.

Maybe Jason was right.

"All of this is because of her." Jason slams. "There's no one else to blame but her."

I can feel a knot form in my stomach. It's an icky feeling.

"And now Alex is dead and Dylan is hospitalized." Jason finishes.

I can't hold it.... I run to the bathroom and throw up in the toilet. I pull my own hair back as best as I can.

I can hear everyone grow silent. Probably in disbelief in Jason and how he's acting. I feel another ball of throw up go up my throat.

Suddenly, I hear my phone go off. Who could it be? Probably someone else wishing me peace of mind or something. I make sure I don't feel dizzy or nauseous and get up. I left my phone on my dresser. I pick it up and it reads "Stranger🙃".

"Hello?" I try to fight the current feeling I'm in right now.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

"I'm throwing up." I say.

"What?" He says.

"Yeah. It's so messed up I'm throwing up."

"I'm so sorry." He apologizes.

I sit on my bed and sigh. He shouldn't have to apologize. I should. Everything that happened was so embarrassing.

"Maybe Jason's right." I say.

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe it is my fault." I whisper.

"No. No." I hear him try to convince me. "Don't say that, alright?"

"I think it's best if we stop talking for awhile." I say.

"What?" He says.

He doesn't deserve this. I can't have him stay and be apart of this.

"Please understand." I fight the tears.

"Listen, I..." I hear him pause. "I... I care so much for you. I want to be with you. I want to make sure you're okay and I want to help you."

"I don't want you to go through this. I don't want my family to pin this on you." I feel the tears fall from my cheeks.

"I want to. I want to go through it." He says.

I can feel another knot tighten in my stomach. I run my stomach to try and push the feeling away.

"With you, I'd want to go through anything. I want you to trust me when I say that." He says.

"Are you sure?" I feel my voice crack.

"100%." He responds.