somewhere in there / jonathan crane

26. congratulations, you won

trigger warning: mentions of depression, suicide, death.

"psycho killer 

qu'est-ce que c'est

far better"

Zoe's eyes were comfortably fixed on the familiar road ahead of her as she and Jonathan were on their way to his vacation house. Her face was expressionless and her eyes narrowed, she didn't move the entire ride.

"Zoe, are you okay?" He asks. "And since when do you listen to this?" He instantly lowers the volume, carefully looking at her.

"Don't lower the volume. I love this song." She turns the volume up.

Jonathan sighs, fixing his glasses. "I know a lot about human behavior to know that you're acting this way on purpose. Did I do something?"

"Why would you think that?" She asks, still not glancing at him.

"You've been intentionally avoiding me and then you want to go away with me and now we're here and you're acting weird and looking at me like I'm a threat." He explains.

"Are you?"

"Now you're using my strategy against me. Not surprised." He shakes his head and clenches his jawline. Zoe notices and shifts in her seat.

"I'm joking. I just want to have a good time. Relax." She touches the back of his head, playing with his hair uncomfortably.

"Oh, I am." He sighs.

She scoffs, looking at the trees as they pass them by. It was so melancholic. She felt like he wasn't even here like the car was driving by itself. His touch just wasn't the same anymore. It wasn't as soft and as warm as it was.

While she was packing that morning, she wished she wasn't alive anymore. She wanted to end it right there and then. How did she let a person live under her skin and now the person inside of her was killing her slowly and painfully. Once she was excited to hear the screeching of his car when he'd pull over in front of her apartment, now it made her jumpy. She jumped at all sounds. Zoe was surrounded by the people she loved yet she'd never felt so alone.

She craved the life she once had. The peace, the love, the lightness in the air. Now it was heavy and foggy. Her mind was filled with white noise and voices she couldn't stop. This wasn't what she wished for all those years ago when she was a young child filled with hopes late at night tucked in her bed.

They arrived at the house around 1 pm. Put all things inside and sat down to have lunch. Zoe tried her best to put on a happy face and to give in to his gentle touches and kisses. Oh, how she missed them. The ecstasy was in a form of a man, created with godly features, but the devil was the one that took his time with him along the way. His eyes were now the darkness that swallowed her, not the beautiful, neverending blue sea.

"I'm so tired." He breaks the comfortable silence.

"Me too. I'd go for the longest nap right now." Zoe replies, wiping her lips with a napkin.

"We have all the time in the world now that we're here. We can go upstairs and rest." He does the same.

"I want to sleep here, in the living room." Zoe stands up, walking over to the couch, completely ignoring the mess on the table.

"Why?" He follows her.

"It's colder here, and it has a nice view from the windows." She flops down on the couch, her eyes never leaving his.

"Zoe, stop acting like a child and come to bed with me right now." He points at the stairs, and she sighs, getting up from the couch.

"Fine. I don't know what's the problem with us sleeping in separate beds but okay." She shakes her head.