somewhere in there / jonathan crane

15. aurora borealis

There was something unfamiliar about waking up in the heart of the peaceful night. The moonlight spilled into the room, not enough to ignite the room or the carpet but just enough for the minor details to grow visible. It was the unique kind of dark that subtly reminded the people; the sun is going to come up. It was the darkness that shined the brightest and promised the glorious sunrise. Zoe opened her eyes slowly, blinking a couple of times. Perhaps, letting out a long sigh was a way of showing relaxation and welcoming the moonlight. Stretching was out of the question, knowing her body was in pain. The kind of pain that was a reminder of what had happened, the pleasant kind of pain; the kind of pain that retained you laying and smiling to yourself. The cold breeze brushed her hands, and she swiftly put them under the silky covers. With her left hand, she reached for the spot that Jonathan was supposed to be asleep on, but he wasn't there. Her hand was greeted with cold sheets. Zoe rested her body on her elbows, trying to catch a glimpse of the balcony in front of her.

There stood the man who she belonged to even in the heart of the eternal night. Jonathan was leaning on the balcony fence, firmly, blocking the shimmering moonlight. After all the time that has passed, he still managed to create butterflies in her stomach.

She took off the sheets that covered her body, sitting up. She took a moment for her feet to adjust to the cold carpet, tilting her head backward. She looked at him once more, standing up and making her way over to the balcony. The door was opened a little, she stepped out causing Jonathan to turn around and take a look at her.

"Hey, did I wake you up?" He asked, completely changing position and welcoming Zoe in his embrace.

"No, no. I woke up because my body feels numb and my mouth was dry."She answered, allowing herself to get lost in his arms under the pale moonlight.

"Oh. Do you want me to get you some water from downstairs?"

"I'll get some before I go to sleep again. Why aren't you asleep?"

"I couldn't. It happens a lot, nothing to worry about. How are you feeling by the way?" He asked, releasing her from his embrace and leaning on the railing. The moonlight allowing his face structure to come alive, it was worth looking at and she could do it until the end of time.

"I am feeling good. I don't think I've ever felt this protected and cared for. Everything basic and toxic in my life is thrown in the trash, and my body feels lighter." She explained. It was hard not to notice the uncertainty in Zoe's voice.

"But?"

"There is a but, yeah." She giggled at Jonathan, who knew her way of talking and knew when she was or wasn't done with explaining. "I'm not hiding the fact that I wish we'd met on different terms," Looking at his eyes, she began."I'm not denying that this feels wrong sometimes and out of the blue but at night, when I go to sleep, you're the only person on my mind and no matter how many red sings this damn world is giving me, I never deny my life is a better place since you came along. The days are brighter and the nights are easier, the air is free and I love the moon instead of the sun now because I wished for you every night under it."

Jonathan smiled weakly at the girl in front of him. She spilled her guts for him, kept exposing and giving him everything. Deep down, he knew he didn't deserve her; he wasn't enough for her. Selfishness always swallowed him, chewed him up and threw him out, leaving him bold and empty.

"Before you say anything, I just want you to know I do not ask you to say it back to me. I know that somewhere in there you care about me and thank you for showing it to me. I'll wait forever if I have to. If you fight, I'll fight with you."

"Zoe," He began awkwardly. "I want to thank you for letting me be by your side and guide you. No one's ever trusted me this much and it is overwhelming." He kissed the top of her head as a sign of affection which he didn't do a lot. For a man like Jonathan Crane, it was more than enough.