Beloved <3 |Ranboo angst oneshots|

-Quiet-

No art today, sorry guys ):

Requested: no
Setting: nowhere particular

Trigger warnings:
• Self hatred
• Overthinking

Other notes: Hey! So this one is a little more personal, I hope you don't mind. That's mostly why it's written like someone is writing in a journal. Anyways like my "Why do I want to be hurt?" Chapter of my sbi book (if you haven't already come from there you should check it out (:, but only if you want to ofc) I don't hope you guys cant relate but if you can I hope you find this helpful in some way idk.

___________.-•*•-.___________
{-<Ranboo>-}

I've been thinking a lot recently about my personality, more than usual. It sounds strange to phrase it like that but that's exactly what has been happening. Why do I have to be so... talkative, open, loud?

It just seems like every time I join in on a conversation everyone disappears or stops talking, I don't know if it's because I always steal the spotlight and they don't feel comfortable or able to talk anymore cause I just shut them down but that's most likely the reason.. And I definitely don't want to be like that, not at all. I wish people would feel more inclined to step up and tell me to shut up when I'm being annoying but them not saying anything is almost worse.

It's either "Ranboo, please let someone else say something" which is fine because then I stop and no one is mad, but no one does that so I just ramble on and on and on and then I feel awful cause they all hate me.

I know it's probably just my brain but they all seem so, annoyed. This happens with everyone not just my friends, which is why I'm beginning to think it's me that's the problem. It always has been the problem and it will continue to be the problem if I don't fix it.

Last year I was a whole different person than at the beginning of this year. I was loud, talkative, same as now basically, and I hated myself for that. But then COVID hit and I became the quiet kid in the back of the class because both I was online so there wasn't really much to say but also when we started going back full time I continued to be quiet.

It was actually rather crushing. I went from the kid everyone knew and occasionally made jokes with and had a good friend group to now being completely ignored and being disregarded as a human entirely.

It seemed as if no one cared that I was there, just another prop in the background.

But as I became better friends with the other people and I became more and more ignored I found myself having to speak up to be listened to or thought of again. I was turning back into the thing I didn't want to be but it's my personality I can't just change how I act.

I may be able to hide it but never change it.

As I became louder and louder and more known I saw everything repeating itself. I felt like everyone hated me again... and they probably did.

That's why I've returned to my silent ways, everyone seems happier now that I'm not in their way, and that's for the best. Everything is better when I'm quiet. And yeah, the first day people were wondering what happened but...

They'll forget about me eventually. Just like I'm forgetting myself.

___________.-•*•-.___________
587 words

Ayup how are you all doing? I hope well, and if not that's ok too but you deserve to have a good day (:

Possibly another chapter later? Idk if I'll get to it but you might get more content who knows.

I don't have any other notes so...

You are all loved and appreciated and I hope you know that <3
Have a pog rest of your day/night/whatever time of the day it is for you
Here is an optional headpat, hug, or handshake
And here is some blue for you lovely folks: 🔵🔹🔷🟦💤🌀