convicted || b.e

chapter nine

billie's pov

not to be weird or anything... but jada is literally addicting. in more ways than one. i swear i could kiss her all day. her plump ass lips? damn. the way she screams my name? don't even get me started. she's so hot.

we've talked and worked out a lot of stuff, including what happened when we were in jail. i'm glad about that because now we have a clean slate. hopefully it can stay that way.

anyways, right now i'm just trying to get through my day. it's been about a week since jada and i's hookup, and every now and then i find myself thinking about her. when i catch myself doing so i immediately push her out of my brain and do something to preoccupy myself because i fucking hate thinking about people ive fucked. because everytime that i do that, i end up catching feelings.

ever since i got my heart broken when i was sixteen, i've never dated anyone or really loved anyone either. i've hooked up with people and definitely been fwb with more than one friends, but there has never been feelings. on my end... let's just say i'm described as quite the heartbreaker. meaning, i don't fuck with dating anyone at all.

today i have a couple of deliveries to make, and of course kobe isn't coming with me. he's still on that, 'i'm not gonna help you kill yourself' bullshit which is really pissing me off. if i was gonna die, i would've by now. me almost dying pretty much proved to me that imma be alright, and that drugs aren't gonna take me out. again, if they were going to, they would've already.

the tension in the house is rising everyday. kobe and i aren't as close anymore since my overdose. i think he was kinda expecting us to get closer and bond over getting better and being better people since that's the path he's taking now, but that's just not me. that's not where my life is right now, that's not my outlook, that's not my physical state, and that's just not me. right now i have no intent of stopping my lifestyle, and i'm good with that. yet kobe isn't.

every single day he yells at me, making sure that i don't forget that he was there for me when i over dosed. he took me to the hospital. he stayed with me. he took care of me. he did this that and for other thing. now listen, not that i'm ungrateful because in all honesty i am extremely extremely thankful for everything that he's given me, but he chose to do that. he can't get mad at me for choosing to live my own life.

kobe is literally like the brother i never had. i will always love him, and there will always be a place in my heart for him. just at this moment, our paths aren't aligned and we can't live like this.

since i'm not longer on crutches, i'm constantly driving my sexy ass dragon around, going out for deliveries and also looking for apartments. recently i've found a pretty cheap apartment, just $1,000 a month. i made a lot more then $1,000 a month with selling weed and drugs, but after my car payments and food and other bills, i'll probably spend about $2,000 a month in total. that works perfectly for me because i'm making about $2,200 to $3,000 a month right now. business is good, and as long as it continues to come in at this rate, i think i should be good to start renting and finally get my own place.

"kobez," i start as i look up at kobe while we sit on his bed.

"what's up?" he asks, his eyes meeting mine.

"i'm gonna move out, like into my own apartment." i smile softly.

"oh.." he starts. "well i'm happy for you. it'll be good for us to have some time apart to really find ourselves anyways." he adds with a bittersweet smile.