convicted || b.e

chapter fourteen

billie's pov

i fucking hate this shit. how the fuck did i catch feeling for her?? let me explain cause this shit is fucking me up.

the last time jada and i hung out, it was going amazing. like, super good. i released my first single, and before that we were just vibing and having a good time.

but then we were fucking, and i just completed broke. everything in my brain clicked as i looked at jada. i realized that the butterflies i get when we kiss and the nervousness i feel when she walks into the room aren't just coincidences. it was me falling for her.

so after we fucked and i realized that i had feelings for her, i just shut her out. i was a complete dick to her. i think i even made her cry. which makes me feel like the worst person under the sun. it's been a week since then; we haven't talked at all.

no calls. no texts. no hanging out. no contact at all.

to be honest, i definitely deserve this. i was an asshole. but sometimes i just can't stop myself. like, the bitch in me just comes out and i act like a bitch without even knowing or wanting to stop it because all i can think about in that moment is how i'm pissed off. and then immediately after i feel horrible. it's just a cycle over and over again and i don't know if i can ever stop it.

so today, instead of trying to mend things with jada, i'm gonna be hanging out with laiyna. who's laiyna, you might ask? well we hooked up a couple of times, but she's a friend. i wanna hang out with her cause i know she'll take my mind off of jada.

i haven't stopped thinking about jada since the last time i saw her so i'm pretty down bad for this girl. but jada will never ever want to see me or talk to me and let alone be with me after the way i talked to her. which i completely understand. i would feel the same way if i was her.

no matter what i said that night.... i could never hate her. not even if i wanted to. not even if i tried to. i'm afraid that i already love her, so i'm trying to hate her while i can still save myself from love but there's just no way. i really cannot hate her. i never will.

since i can't hate her, i might as well be a dick so she forgets about me and in the meantime try to forget that i was ever involved with her in anyway.

sounds toxic, i know. but it's pretty much routine for me now.

"hey," i speak into the phone as laiyna picks up.

"hi baby what's up?" she answers excitedly. i haven't talked to her in like six months cause i got bored of her so i dropped her.

"you wanna hang today or what?" i ask, trying not to cringe.

"yeah of course! i'll be there in fifteen/twenty?" she suggests.

"sure, lemme text you my address." i tell her.

"ok bet" she says before i hang up and then send her my address.

she'll probably be all over me which i'm not really that fond of but whatever. at least i won't be thinking of jada. well, hopefully.

soon enough i hear a knock at my door so i get up to answer it for laiyna.

"hey- oh shit, uh hi" i stutter, shocked to see jada standing on my welcome mat.