The Beauty In Love And Murder

Chapter Forty One - Theodore

I fling my head back and forth, snapping my hair and shaking the sweat off of my brow. My sword glints in the gold sunlight, and I wince as my wound sends dull pain shooting through my body. I press a hand to the bandaged spot, trying not to show my discomfort. Zephyr grins at me as he downs a cup of water with his sword in his other hand, sweating equally as much as I am.

"Good for another sparring round, Highness?" Zephyr calls. I punch his shoulder and head towards the stairs exiting the courtyard, inhaling as the breeze brushes over my head and cools my skin. "Can't! I have to go get cleaned up for the hunting party, and so should you," I shout over my shoulder. "You seem to forget that you're invited to all the stupid events that I have to go to, too." Zephyr jogs up next to me and bumps me, groaning. "I don't want to go and kill things that I won't even be able to eat. I'll tell your mother I'm sick and can't attend." I laugh out loud. "She'll make you come anyway, sick or not. I'll see you there at the pavilion at three sharp. Try not to be too late." We shake hands and go our separate ways.

I pull my shirt off as I walk up to my quarters, ignoring the stares from various female courtiers who mill around the halls. I have to go and bathe, then hurry and make it to the hunting party.

When I reach my door, I rush in and toss my discarded shirt onto the bed. I'm kicking off my shoes when I notice Adrienne's book lying on my table. She must have forgotten it here when I was sleeping this afternoon. I regard it for a moment, then toss off my trousers and step into the shower. The water hits my skin and I close my eyes, tilting my head back. The water drips off of my hair and runs down my face, and I inhale deeply as the steam curls around me.

When I woke up earlier, I sat up half expecting to see her sitting across the room. When I realized she wasn't there, I couldn't help but feel my heart sink a little, which immediately exasperated me. I don't know if I like the way I feel when it comes to her. When I stayed away for those two days, I felt so empty. I wished she was there to help me fall asleep at night, especially when I was so worried about the Lisenii situation. I was so well in my head that I went out to get drunk, something that I haven't done outside of the palace in a long time.

I'd been nursing a drink for hours, glowering and pondering in frustration when someone bumped into me. The hood of my cloak fell around my shoulders and for a moment a knot of fear curled in my stomach— I didn't want to be recognized, not here and not now. Luckily, the three men who happened to bother me were equally as intoxicated as I was, so they didn't notice who I was.

I didn't mean to provoke them into violence, but I ended up limping away with a sword wound in my torso. I didn't want to go to a healer because the chance of them telling my mother was too high, so I went to the only place I knew I would find help— Adrienne's room.

It was like I gravitated to her. I didn't mean to end up so vulnerable in front of her but I couldn't help it. She makes me feel as if I'm not 'the prince' or an untouchable, she manages to treat me with the same scorn, indifference, and sarcasm as she would with everyone else. It makes me feel surprisingly human— and I wasn't even aware that I was being treated like a non-human at all.

Adrienne. I roll her name over my tongue, tasting it. I wanted so badly to kiss her back on the stairs, when she was backed up against the wall. I was teasing, but in my gut I knew that if she'd closed the gap I wouldn't have complained at all. The look in her eyes had me unsure, I can never read what she's thinking. The wall she puts up, the mask she wears, I can guess that the long years of needing to be cold and calculating have put up a barrier between her and the world.

I wonder if she's still in love with Tobias. I know that that isn't any of my business, but I can't help but wonder. I didn't intend for her to see Captain Greenwood at all— that's why I told Zephyr not to mention him after our luncheon that day. I told him that it was because the more people who knew her real identity the more our plan would be put at risk, but a small part of me thought differently. If she sees her childhood love, she won't focus on me.

I growl in frustration. I don't know why she takes up so many of my thoughts when she's not around. I have things to focus on, important things— impending wars, commanding men, the things a prince has to focus on. Not a fool in love.

That pulls me up short. In love? I'm not in love. Unbidden, the memory of her hand in mine as we slept in her bed floats in my mind.

I don't have time to love her. I don't have the liberty to love someone like her— an assassin. Scores have died at her hands, and I could easily be the next. I don't love her. I won't love her. I can't love her.

I can't, not even if I wanted to.

I groan and turn off the flow of water, wrapping a linen towel around my waist, and using another for my head. I ruffle up my hair, drying the droplets quickly, then stop in front of the sink to look in the fogged mirror.

As always, I see my father's face before I see my own. I scowl, leaning down to splash my face with cold water. I scrub my skin as if I could remove his features from my face, and wish fervently that I actually could.

I hear footsteps outside of my room and look up with my eyes narrowed. My bathroom door is ajar, and as I stand my towel shifts around my hips. I secure it as I move closer to the crack in the door and see a glimpse of a green eyes, which widen when they see me. It takes me a second to register who it is, but when I do I laugh and open the door wider to reveal Adrienne standing frozen in one spot with her book clutched to her chest.

I can't resist. This is a golden opportunity to fluster her so I lean on the doorframe with my forearm above my head and smirk.

"Can I help you, or did you just want to see me dripping wet with my shirt off?"