Pain - A TommyInnit Angst

Chapter 1

The slam of a car door ripped through the sound of his friends' voices; Tommy quickly muted himself and looked out of the window to make sure he wasn't hearing things.

He wasn't.

He tapped on his phone screen, only to find that it was dead, and he was unable to see the date. He plugged it in and unmuted himself, and trying to sound calm he said: 'Is it Wednesday?'

'Are you okay Tommy?', Wilbur's voice sounded through his headset, 'You sound kind of shaky.'

'I'm fine,' Tommy replied hastily, beginning to panic. 'But is it Wednesday?'

The voices in the call sounded a unanimous 'yes', and Tommy didn't bother to explain himself before leaving the call and pacing anxiously up and down his room. He could hear his parents' voices downstairs, and he began to nibble at his already non-existent nails, closing his eyes and silently praying as he heard footsteps on the stairs.

His parents stood in the doorway; they didn't need to speak, Tommy knew exactly what was happening. Hanging his head down, he followed them downstairs, his father gripping his shoulder so tightly that it was painful. As they reached the kitchen, his mother brought out the scales and placed them on the floor at Tommy's feet. He could now feel himself hyperventilating, tears threatening to force themselves out of his eyes. But he couldn't cry. He couldn't show weakness.

Tommy shakily stepped onto the scales, closing his eyes, the air thick with silence until the dreaded beep of the scales. He couldn't bring himself to open his eyes, but his father's disappointed huff told him the result and Tommy inwardly let out a sigh of relief. This was short-lived though, as his mother began to speak: 'You got off lightly this week,' she informed him snidely, 'But you've got to get rid of five kilos by next week or there'll be consequences'.

His father grunted in agreement and Tommy began to shake again. The 'target' set by his parents was normally to lose three kilograms of his weight, but he had never managed to do five. Hesitantly looking down at the scales, he saw that he had only just made it this week and he realised that it would be impossible for his to reach this new target.

Tommy felt his father pulling him off the scales and saw this as his cue to leave. He sped upstairs and closed his door, lying on his bed and beginning to shake uncontrollably. He soon realised he was having a panic attack, but there was nothing he could do apart from wait it out.

He sobbed into his pillow until sleep finally overcame him.

• • •

School continued as normal for the next week; it was an escape for Tommy, the only time he could be without the overbearing presence of his parents. Of course, nobody at school knew what Tommy's home life was like, and he intended to keep it that way. He mostly kept to himself, sitting alone in the stalls of the loos during breaktime and, of course, lunch. He had vowed to himself not to eat at all this week, and the fear of what would happen if he did overwhelmed him. So, whenever they were let out of lessons, Tommy would sit alone in the stall and flick through reddit, occasionally forcing himself to throw up if he was sure nobody else was in the loo. Not that he thought it would do any good of course; he knew that statistically purging didn't work anyway, especially if he hadn't eaten any food at all. But it was a way of feeling more in control with his impending fate hanging over his head, although deep down he knew it was impossible. Tommy didn't have an eating disorder; he knew that he wasn't overweight. In fact, he knew that he was dangerously underweight. The only reason he was doing this was for his parents, and the only reason they were doing this was to cause him pain.

• • •

Wednesday came around all too quickly, and when Tommy arrived home from school his parents were already home. He walked briskly through the kitchen, up the stairs and to his room. He knew they wouldn't do anything just yet; they liked him to have the sickening anticipation first. He saw that Tubbo and Ranboo were in a VC, and quickly joined. He realised that neither were streaming when he saw that both Ranboo and Tubbo had their face cams on.

'Hey Tommy!' their voices sounded from the VC, making Tommy feel instantly calmer. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before turning his face cam on, replying and joining their conversation. They were talking about video ideas, which was a blessed distraction for Tommy. He didn't talk much, just sat back and replied with a 'yes' or 'no' when they asked him a question. Leaning back in his chair, he zoned out and allowed their voices to wrap around him like a comforting blanket.

Everything happened too quickly for him to process; his door burst open and his parents were there, dragging him out of his chair. Tommy frantically reached to turn off his camera and mic, but they were just out of reach. A part of him felt a slight pang of relief; finally his friends would know what went on behind the scenes and would maybe be able to help him out of this hell. However, he was mostly engulfed in humiliation and anger at himself for being so stupid and not hearing his parents' footsteps on the stairs.

They dragged him down, two steps at a time, and he couldn't help himself and began to beg them to be more lenient, perhaps change it to three kilos again, perhaps let him off this week altogether. His pleas fell on deaf ears.

Tommy knew the routine off by heart now. His mother practically threw the scales on the floor and he forced himself to step on. He knew that he hadn't reached his target; it was surely impossible, purely because he didn't have five kilograms of excess weight to lose. He heard the scales making their bleep sound and began to look down, but didn't have time as he felt his father's fist collide with the side of his head.