Pain - A TommyInnit Angst

Chapter 33

TRIGGER WARNING: Another graphic chapter that deals with themes of self-deleting. If you can't read this then that's totally okay and you will work out what happened by reading the next couple of chapters, but the most important thing is that you look after yourself and don't read anything that might trigger you.

The wind blew through Tommy's hair. It was raining slightly; occasional drips of cold water that stung when they hit his face. But he didn't care, and for once he wasn't scared because nothing mattered anymore. In his mind, he was invincible. Nobody could hurt him more than he could hurt himself, and he intended on hurting himself in the worst way possible.

Tommy thought back to the chat he had had with Wilbur a couple of days ago; had Wilbur seriously been insinuating that he had contemplated suicide when he thought Tommy was dead? No, surely not. Nobody cared about him that much, not even Wilbur.

He had been walking for around ten minutes when his phone began to ring. He took it out of his pocket and saw Wilbur's name displayed on the screen.

He declined.

It was then that the severity of what he was about to do hit him and his heart began to pound. But he was determined, and he was sure to go through with it.

And so Tommy reached his destination, what would be his final destination. The motorway bridge.

He walked along the side of it, trying not to flinch at the water splashing on him from the cars whizzing past. His phone began to ring again and he declined the call immediately.

The railings were wet and cold, and as Tommy climbed over them he thought about how it was a shame that it was a cloudy day; he would have liked to see the sun just one last time.

'You okay, son?'

Tommy felt a hand on his wrist and he flinched violently, but somehow managed to remain clinging onto the railings. He tried to control his racing thoughts, reminding himself that nobody could hurt him. He was going to hurt himself, so nobody could have any effect on him. He was invincible.

'Look, you don't want to do this.'

'How the fuck would you know what I want?' Tommy surprised himself with the aggression in his voice, but the man who had a firm grip on his wrist didn't seem phased at all.

'Because you wouldn't die.' The man continued calmly. 'From this height, you'd just be paralysed, and then life would really be shit and you wouldn't have any way to end it from there.'

'Bullshit.' Tommy glanced down, his heart pounding against his chest. There was no way he could survive that fall. He knew that the man was just trying to convince him not to jump, but he wasn't going to fall for it.

'Ok fair enough, that probably was bullshit.' The man carried on talking. 'But there's a chance, and you wouldn't want to risk that.'

'Like I give a fuck.'

'Well maybe you should. Imagine you hit one of those cars down there, you'll go straight through the windscreen. That would kill someone. You might leave a little child without parents.'

'They'd be better off without them anyway. Trust me, I'd know.' Tommy laughed cynically at the last sentence.

The man sighed. 'You're not gonna let up, are you.'

'Nope.'

And with that, Tommy yanked his wrist out of the man's grip and let go of the railings but as he began to fall he felt arms wrapping around him, keeping him up. The man had grabbed him, and had now got him in a forceful grip, held tightly up against the railings.

'Please, p-please no.' He muttered under his breath, squirming, desperately trying to escape the man's vice-like grip and failing miserably.

And suddenly he was back in Derick's arms.

He began to scream, thrashing against the man, his throat ripping with every cry. He managed to grab onto one of the cold metal bars of the railings, and the sensation brought him back to the present. He began to hyperventilate, begging the man to let him go, to just let him die. As Tommy looked up, he realised that more people had gathered around, most watching with horrified looks on their faces as if he were some sort of zoo exhibit. He began to thrash around more. He couldn't survive this, that just couldn't happen. He imagined seeing Wilbur's face and guilt flooded his entire body. He began to plead even more profusely with the man, and as he began to thrash more and more violently more of the bystanders helped to keep hold of him and keep him up.

Tommy was screaming, shouting, begging, pleading, praying for death. But death didn't arrive; the only thing that did was a tall wild-eyed man who frantically pushed through the crowd and stood in front of where Tommy was, sobbing.

Wilbur.

And so Tommy became more hysterical. He couldn't deal with Wilbur, he couldn't deal with people who cared about him. He began to bite at the hands that were clinging onto him, successfully getting some people to let go but still remaining firmly pinned up to the top of the railings. Wilbur joined in the effort and the group eventually managed to hoist him up and over the railings, onto the concrete of the bridge. As soon as he felt the ground beneath him, he sprung back up and tried to throw himself over the top of the railings to his death, but was again caught and slammed onto the ground, this time being held down. Tommy could hear Wilbur talking to him, trying to calm him down, but he couldn't make out any words over his own animalistic sobs.

'P-please, just l-let me die, Wil, please I... I'm b-begging you.' He managed to choke out. He felt as if he was going to throw up, and continued thrashing against the hands until eventually everything faded to black, and then nothingness took over.

A/N: Well that was a wild one. My uploads might be a bit inconsistent over the next few weeks because I'm going to be staying with some friends, but I'll try my best to get some chapters out. I appreciate each and every one of you who reads this book, and remember to vote to be pog!