Pain - A TommyInnit Angst

Chapter 31

After four days, Tommy's stay in hospital was over. It hadn't been simple; his claustrophobia had become increasingly bad. He was now unable to sleep underneath a duvet, and even pulling a jumper over his head triggered flashbacks and sometimes even panic attacks. On top of that, he also had an extreme fear of being separated from Wilbur, who had been given a bed in Tommy's hospital room so that he would never have to leave.

The worst thing was the nightmares; they came every night and were painfully vivid, leaving him a terrified wreck.

The doctors had at first been set on sending him into psychiatric care to get specialist treatment for his PTSD, but his separation anxiety with Wilbur soon changed their mind and they decided that it would be best for him to go home and try and recover there.

So that's why he was now sitting in the car, biting his nails down until they bled, eyes closed, trying desperately to wash away the memories of how Derick had taken him in his car. He tried not to think about being trapped in the suitcase, unable to move, unable to breathe, unable to-

'Tommy?'

He felt a hand on his shoulder and jumped violently.

'Oh. I, uh, s-sorry Wil.'

Wilbur furrowed his brow. 'I think you were having a flashback.'

Tommy nodded, attempting and failing to blink back the tears that were threatening to spill from his eyes. His face crumpled and he began to sob. 'I d-don't know what to do. I can't do this Wilbur, I'm so s-scared the whole time, I- I can't do this.'

Wilbur sat there helplessly. He wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around the boy and comfort him, but he knew that doing that would only trigger another panic attack.

'Tommy, I... I'm so sorry. But it's going to get easier, I promise. Look, we're home now. You're safe. I know you might not feel like it, but I promise you are, and I'm not gonna let you leave my sight. I won't let anything happen to you, Toms.'

Tommy nodded, his face damp with tears. He cautiously opened the car door, his eyes flitting around as he stepped out of the car to ensure that nobody was there. His heart pounded as he and Wilbur walked up to the door, certain that someone would take him, that he wasn't safe.

He didn't think he would ever feel safe again.

• • •

Wilbur was in despair. He had gone from the joy and elation of finding Tommy alive to the sudden panic of how on earth he was going to deal with this situation. Tommy jumped at every sound, barely slept, and when he did sleep he was locked in horrific nightmares. Whenever he was awake, he constantly sobbed and shook, and he couldn't be separated from Wilbur for more than five minutes without having a panic attack.

Wilbur had no idea how he was going to help Tommy when he was in such a terrible state. The thing that scared him most was that it had become increasingly worse since he had woken up; Wilbur had assumed that time would help him heal, but so far it had had the opposite effect. He suspected that this was because of a lack of sleep and constantly being on edge making Tommy more susceptible to nightmares, flashbacks and anxiety. But what could Wilbur do about it?

Nothing.

He was utterly helpless.

• • •

Tommy paced his room anxiously, still biting at his non-existent nails. He had opened the door as wide as possible, opened the window, opened his cupboard door, checked under the bed, checked behind the chair, checked everywhere. There was nobody here, and he had ensured that in every direction he had somewhere to escape or hide. He tried to assure himself that he was safe but his skin still crawled and he constantly felt as if he were about to be tackled to the ground by some terrifying assailant.

Tommy knew Wilbur would be coming up soon and that he was just sorting out some hospital paperwork downstairs, but he still began to panic. He wanted to call out to Wilbur and ask him to come upstairs, but his throat felt tight, as if he were being strangled all over again. He clutched at his neck, as if trying to remove invisible hands, but to no avail. He began to sob desperately, clawing at his neck to try and fight the person who he knew deep down wasn't there.

'W-wil-' He managed to choke out. He heard footsteps.

Footsteps.

Footsteps?

His parents footsteps.

They were coming for him.

They were going to hurt him.

Tommy backed away from the door, collapsing backwards onto the floor and trying to edge himself further and further away, his eyes tightly shut, his breathing fast and uneven.

The footsteps.

They were getting closer.

They were going to hurt him.

Tommy began to plead, his voice a high pitched whimper, begging them to leave him alone. His entire body was tense. It was as if he could already feel the sting of the knife carving into his back, carving that dreaded word.

Failure.

Failure.

Failure-

'Tommy!'

'No, no, no, no, please, p-please I- I can't- please d-don't-'

'Toms, it's me, you're safe, I promise.'

'Please don't h-hurt me, p-please-'

'Tommy, I would never, you're okay, nobody's going to hurt-'

Wilbur was cut off by a series of screams and Tommy flailing violently against the ground, as if he were trying to escape someone's grip. This was the worst flashback Wilbur had ever seen Tommy have, and his heart was racing as he desperately tried to think of something he could do. His mind eventually clicked and he ran downstairs and grabbed some ice out of the freezer before sprinting back up to Tommy. Even when he was downstairs, he could hear the sickening screams and the sound of Tommy thrashing against the floor.

'Tommy, Tommy, look, I've got some ice, you're here with me, okay? I need you to hold this, it'll help you, okay?' Wilbur tried his best to keep his voice from shaking. Tommy opened his eyes but they were glazed over and it was clear that he was still deep into his flashback. Wilbur began physically shaking as he realised that Tommy hadn't heard him and wasn't going to be able to cooperate. He tentatively placed the ice in one of Tommy's hands and although the boy initially jumped and stiffened up, his body began to relax and he eventually stopped thrashing around and pleading.

'I... I'm s-sorry...' Wilbur heard him speak, his voice barely a whisper.

'No, I'm sorry, Tommy. I shouldn't have left you alone, it was stupid of me. I promised I wouldn't, and I did. This... this is all my fault, I'm so sorry, Toms.'

'N-no, I'm t-too sensitive, and I... I s-should be able to c-cope but I c-can't, I-' Tommy dissolved into more sobs and Wilbur felt as if his heart was breaking.

'You can't blame yourself.' He whispered to Tommy, and the blonde boy slowly nodded, still shaking like a leaf.

'Can I... can I hug you?' Wilbur asked tentatively and Tommy paused for a second before slowly nodding. Wilbur slowly wrapped his arms around the boy, who flinched at first but soon relaxed into it.

And so Tommy sat there wrapped in Wilbur's arms, sobbing, wondering what his life had come to and how he was possibly going to continue it. 

A/N - Hello everyone and thank you for reading! Hope you're all having a good day or night, and remember to vote! Ily all <3