She's an Avery

Chapter 14: desperate

Phone rings

"Bailey?''

"Uh...Hey"

"What...What do you want"

"I want to talk"

"About what"

"Us..."

"There's nothing to talk about"

"I...except that there is"

"No, Bailey, you left me, and it hurt, like a lot"

"Yea but...it was a mistake"

"But it wasn't, you left me like...for literally no reason and acted like it was nothing."

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I was going through some...stuff and, and..."

"I know and I tried to not take it so personally, I tried to think that we were just going to take a short break because you were in so much pain and then we would come back better than ever, we would be good. But then I thought about our entire relationship, and I mean really think, and I realized that I was never truly happy when we were together. I mean yea we had some really good days, but even then. You broke me time after time and I always thought it was for a good reason, but it never was. It was always your career. You always choose your career over me. You always choose yourself. And I guess I can't really be mad at that, you come from a legacie, and I understand the amount of pressure that comes with more than anybody, more than you, and you had to do what you had to do. But it's the way you do it. Every time something gets hard you run away. I do it too but I take a break to breathe. You just completely hurt everybody. Bailey, as much as it pains me to say this, you are not the fairy tale you think you are."

"I...but...what"

"Goodbye Bailey"

And all of a sudden I felt...lighter? I don't know. I was happier I know that. Like there was a weight lifted off of my shoulders.

But the pain was still there. Everything that Bailey has said to me in the past three or four years was still there. And the death of my best friend. And my other best friend completely disappeared off the face of the earth.

I was still in the parking lot of my dad's apartment building. I looked up at the building I grew up in, for two weeks of the month at least. I felt like that scared little girl. Who thought wolves were throwing up in his basement, even though he didn't have a basement. I felt like that scared little girl, looking up at his building towering above the city. It wasn't that tall but when I was three it was. I had been dreading having this conversation with him for a while. I'm saying that like I know what I'm going to say to him, but I don't. I've got no idea. The last time I saw him he was naked with his sex friend so...And I haven't said two words to him since Ellis killed herself.

I finally managed to get my but out of the car and up to his room. I don't know why I was so scared to talk to him. He was my best friend growing up. He was always the person that knew exactly what to say when I was stressed, or mad, or just needed a friend. And if his words didn't work I could always lay on his shoulder until I fell asleep. He was the perfect father. And still is.

"hey dad"

"hi baby"

As soon as he opened the door he took me in for a long embrace. We stood in his doorway. I sobbed into his chest. I could hear him humming a soft song to me. I recognized it anywhere. The song he would play when I couldn't fall asleep when I was younger. I never knew what the song was called or even what the lyrics were, neither did he. But that song was the most special thing in my life, always. He released me from his firm grip, I didn't want him too, I could have stayed like that forever. For the first time in forever I felt safe.

We talked for a while on his couch about god knows what. Putting off the subject he could tell I wanted to put off. But he could see in my eyes that I needed to talk about it.

"So, why did you come hear?"

"I...I don't know"

"You do, you're just scared, scared of what?"

"I'm not scared, I just... I talked to Ben, the day I last came here, when, well you know."

"Yea" he chuckled. He was trying to keep the mood light, but it was hard.

"He said that we had the same defense mechanism, i guess, and that I should come talk to you."

"And what would that be?"

"That we run, when we really should, and want to, talk to someone."

"Yea, that sounds like me. But umm, I don't think that you needed to talk to me about what you should do."

"But why not. I don't know what to do, and you do so can't you just tell me."

"You do know, you just need reassurance, because in most situations, including yours, it feels like the wrong thing. That doing this thing, means that you're running away, more mentally than physically, but still."

"And what would this thing be?"

"Go back to work, I was told that you haven't been in a while, and I think that you are just going a bit insane, you are spiralling and...go back to work."

"Fine, I'll go back, but that's not going to change anything. And I'm not spiralling."

"You are"

"I'm not."

"You are, you're a lot more like your mother than you think you are."

"Oh is that right"

"Yea, yea it is. And hey" his playful tone, sterned a bit, "it will help."

"How can you be so sure."

"I can't, but I know you, and I know that this is what you need."

My mood was still pretty bad, but I had a different perspective I guess. I felt safer, and lighter, and like most of the terrible things in my life were starting to work out. So I went to the hospital to see if my dad was right, to see if I would feel any better.

And then I saw him. He was looking down at his phone and walking my way, not paying attention to where he was going. He bumped into me knocking all of the stuff into my hands on the ground. He stumbled and started picking all of my stuff up. It was actually kind of adorable how bad he felt.

"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention, that was totally my fault." He was perfect. His hair was golden brown and parted down the middle falling perfectly on his face covering half of his eye on both sides. His eyes were the brightest blue, almost like the sky, or no, the ocean. And his face, it was warm and soft, it was different then Bailey's. He always had a furrowed brow and would never smile. I never realized until now. But this new guy had a thousand watt smile that...that made you want to melt. I know I always used to say that about Bailey, but seeing his smile, oh how wrong I was.

"It's..it's fine. I'm uh..and you are?"

"You're Harriet, right?"

"I'm uh yes Harriet. Kepner Avery. But...who are you."

"Well hello darling, I'm Lewis. Lewis James."

His voice, it was soft, and comforting with a bit of a rasp, and he sounded like he really cared for me. And his accent, I don't know where he's from, but it sounded british. I don't know maybe I'm just desperate, but this was the first time I felt cared for-by someone other than family whose job is to care for each other-in a long time.