Chapter 36

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12 months have passed by. And in those 12 months Eleanors has been happy but also conflicted. She wants to be with the sakamaki's again but she can't help but have grown attached to the mukamis and would even consider them her sons. 
"Miss Eleanor, are you ready?" Ruki asked knocking on her door
"Huh? Oh almost, can you get me one of the suitcases in the closet for the stuffed animals?" Eleanor asked
"You're going to bring them with you?" Ruki questioned
"Of course why wouldn't I? They are precious memories." Eleanor answered, "Tell me Ruki, did you guys enjoy your time here with me?" 
"As much as I wish that I could say no I can't help but say yes." Ruki exasperated, "D-Did you enjoy your time with us?"
"Yes..." Eleanor replied
"Do you want to stay?" Ruki asked 
"I don't know." Eleanor replied 
Ruki stood there for a moment before grabbing the suitcase and handing it to Eleanor. 
"Our door is always open." Ruki said before heading downstairs 
Eleanor sighed and packed the stuffed animals and headed downstairs to say goodbye. 
"Looks like this is it." Eleanor solemnly told to the 4 boys in front of her 
"Are you going to visit us?" Azusa asked 
"Of course I will." Eleanor promised 
"Just don't forget about us okay." Yuma ordered 
"I won't, don't worry I'll be back I promise." Eleanor said 
"When?" Kou asked 
"In a couple weeks." Eleanor said, "Do you guys want anything while I am gone?" 
"No, just come back." Ruki said 
"Okay then I won't say goodbye. Instead I'll say see you later." Eleanor said before walking outside into her carriage. 
She looked back and saw all of them waving at her. Except for Kou who was being held back by Yuma. He was struggling against his arms trying to escape so that he could chase after Eleanor. 
"Yuma put me down!" Kou ordered with tears running down his face
Eleanor couldn't bare the sight so she covered her face and turned around. Why did she not want to leave? Why does she have to grow so attached to others? 
After 20 minutes of the dreadful ride her carriage finally stopped in front of the gates of the Sakamaki mansion. She wanted to be excited to be home but she couldn't be. She stepped out of the carriage and walked inside. It looked the same as ever. Before she opened the mansion's door she stopped and thought about it. Why was she thinking about it? Why was she hesitating? Her sons were in there suffering day in and day out yet she couldn't even open the door cause she missed the 4 kids she left behind. 

Eleanor took a deep breath and opened the door to be greeted by her sons. 
"I'm home..." Eleanor announced to them 
"Finally." Ayato grumbled and then left along with her other sons. 
They looked different, of course they did she missed every one of their birthdays. The only thing that she did was send them gifts through the mail. 
Eleanor grabbed her suitcases and walked upstairs to her bedroom and just layed on the bed. She couldn't afford being sorry for herself or anyone right now. She had to find a way to mend her relationship with her sons. It's never been like this where her sons are so hostile to her. It's so unordinary and awkward. Everytime she is in the room with them she feels their bond grow strained and difficult. She tried to talk to them when she visited but they turned away from her. They do not even come down for dinner. But that all is going to change. She is here now permanently and she is determined to change things. 

Eleanor hopped out of bed and started her plan. 
Shu awoke from his bed when someone knocked on his door. He angrily opened it to find a piece of paper on his door. He grabbed it and read it out loud.
"Meet me in the garden right now! And do not even think about ignoring this or no dinner. - Mama." 
He wondered what she wanted. He wanted to ignore it and go back to sleeping but decided against it and went towards the garden. On his way he saw Ayato and his other brothers walking towards the garden as well. 
"Did you guys get the note too?" Laito asked 
"Yeah." They all answered 

"I didn't really expect you guys to actually come." 
They turned around to their mother. They were confused but curious as they saw a volleyball and some tennis rackets in her hand.
"You guys want to play?" Eleanor asked 
"No." They all answered bluntly 
"Why not? Are you guys busy?" Eleanor asked confused 
"were just not in the mood." Laito said 
"Oh then how about some hide and seek or a picnic?" Eleanor suggested 
"No thanks, I have to get back to studying." Ayato said 
"What about the rest of you?" Eleanor asked 
They all shook their heads no already tired of the conversation 
"Then how about-" Eleanor was cut off by Kanato
"Can you stop! We do not want to spend time with you!" 
Eleanor was shocked at his outburst and sighed about saying something until Laito interrupted her. 
"You left us alone to fend for ourselves. We all have been through too much since you left and you could care less!"
"I didn't-" 
"You left us without any care! You're so selfish. We missed you and wished that you would come back but you never did!" 
"Laito-" 
"And now you want to return and play with us like you used to? Are you two faced? Mother was right, you are an evil person. I hate-" 
"You think that I didn't miss any of you!" Eleanor yelled, "I missed you guys so much more. I wondered everyday if you guys were fed or taken care of. I wanted to be there . I really did but I couldn't. And I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for leaving you guys behind but I am not going to stand here and say things that aren't true!" 
"That doesn't change anything!" Subaru yelled 
"I know that! Do you think that I don't know that? I left you your right, But you act like I wanted to leave. I wanted to stay. I didn't want to miss all of those birthdays, I didn't want you all to go through anymore pains, I didn't want to leave. But I learned some things. I'm not going to lie that I didn't enjoy my time there because I did. I loved it there I really did but I love it here too. I want to be there for you guys." Eleanor sobbed and wept with her hands covering her face, "I know that I messed up and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that you guys had to fend for yourselves, I'm sorry that I couldn't help comfort any of you, I'm sorry for not regretting that I left, I'm s-sorry for failing all of you."

With those words Eleanor ran off to her bedroom. Crying and sobbing. The boys were stunned by her words but most by her tears. They have never actually seen their mother cry. They have seen some tears but not a full blown sob. They were angry. Angry at Eleanor. Why did she cry? She wasn't the one suffering. She wasn't the one with abusive mothers, she wasn't the one who was hurt everyday. She was the happy one, she was the joyful one, 
"She-" before Laito could say anything Shu butted in, "She is also our mother." 
"I know that we're all angry but can you really blame her? Dad sent her to take care of the kids. She can't really say no, besides you know mom always likes to help people." Shu said 
"But we knew her first, she was our mother first..." Kanato argued 
"W-When I saw her cry I wanted to hug her and I know all of you also felt that way." Shu said, "Mama is not always going to be there for us, you know. She has a mortal lifespan, we can live forever..." 
"That doesn't change that she left. She left for a year and while we were suffering she was happy!" Laito yelled with tears streaming down his eyes 
"She is just one person, Laito! Everyone relies on her, us, dad, those other kids they all rely on her, but there is only so much she can do. She tries her best to make everyone satisfied, you can't expect her to be sad when she has people to rely on her. And I don't blame her for being happy isn't that good? Shouldn't we want that? Why should we want her to be sad?" Shu said
They all stood silent at the words Shu spoke. Laito was the person most affected by those words. 
He was right, why would he expect her to be sad? She does so much for us, doesn't she deserve to be happy? They all stared at each other for a good second and then ran off to find Eleanor. 

Eleanor wasn't doing too well. She was sitting in her secret base with tissues everywhere. She has been crying for the last 10 minutes. Her eyes are puffy and her nose is filled with snot. She couldn't believe that she allowed herself to fail her sons. She promised herself the day they were all born that she would protect and love them with her life, she already failed both of them. She failed to protect them ever since Beatrix had Reiji and she failed to love them because she was so stuck on helping others. God she is such an idiot and idiot who can't take care of the people she loves. An idiot who can't protect the people she loves. An idiot who doesn't deserve to be a mother. 
"Mama...We know that you're in there. Can we come in?" Reiji asked knocking on the door
Eleanor panicked and shakily replied, "U-Um no please do not come in, j-just give me a minute." 
"Too bad we're coming in anyways." Ayato said, pushing the small piece of fake wall, climbing through with his brothers following after him. They looked at Eleanor who was blocking her face in her knees. 
"I'm a mess please step out so that I can pull myself together." Eleanor strained 
"No were your sons and were here to comfort you." Ayato ordered 
"I don't deserve comfort!" Eleanor shouted, "I don't deserve anything! I-I'm a terrible mother."
"No your not." Kanato said, "We're sorry for what we said. We're just angry. Angry at the world and at ourselves for being so weak. Were sorry for taking it all out on you." 
"But you were right....I-I left you guys to suffer here. I'm sorry I'm so sorry." Eleanor apologized 
"You were right as well. You shouldn't regret having a fun time. Were your sons, we are supposed to be happy for you and we can't be angry that you were happy." Reiji said 
"We're sorry for saying such mean things, mostly me, w-we just love you so much." Laito said before tackling Eleanor in a hug. 
All of her other sons followed forward. They also started to cry from being in the embrace of someone that they loved. 
"How about we make lunch together and spend the day in the garden?" Eleanor asked, "You guys can tell me about everything I missed." 

They all left to make lunch besides Eleanor who stayed in her spot for a good minute. She felt like a heavy rock lifted from her shoulder. She felt relieved that she got the closure that she needed. Maybe things will be smooth from here on out until summer starts. Maybe just maybe. As Eleanor was about to leave her room a hawk flew in through her window with a letter tied onto its claw.
"I wonder what this is about?" Eleanor muttered to herself
She took a good look at the envelope and was surprised at the wax symbol on it. It was the sakamaki's symbol. This means only one person could have sent this, Karlheinz. She cut open the wax seal with her letter opener and read the letter written in cursive. 
"Dear Eleanor,
I am so sorry for not answering any of your letters. You see things have been hectic since vampires and werewolves have been dying more recently. I will explain my reasoning when I see you next month for our anniversary. 
From, 
Karlheinz your lovely husband." 

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