The Fifth Member (Little Mix/Perrie Edwards GxG)

Chapter 43

Perrie's POV:

I woke up at around 9 am and was almost falling asleep when I noticed Beth wasn't next to me. Actually it seemed like she wasn't next to me for hours judging by the way her side of the bed looks like.

I stood up and sighed. She's having trouble sleeping again.

I went into the living room and indeed, there was my girlfriend sitting with her knees pulled up to her chest. I couldn't see her face yet but I had a feeling that something was off.

"Babe?" I said and her body looked like it tensed up. Something definitely happened.

"Yeah?" She asked trying to sound normal.

"Why are you up already? We have nothing to do today." I stated.

"I don't know. Couldn't sleep." She muttered.

I sighed and then finally decided to go and sit next to her.

As I rounded our sofa I gasped as soon as I saw her face.

"What happened?!" I said and kneeled down in front of her immediately to check if she's hurt.

"I tripped." She said.

I narrowed my eyes and she stayed silent.

"What really happened?" I asked as I traced her wounds. She winced when I touched the one on her jaw.

"I really slipped. That's not a lie." She said.

"Well then where, when and how did you slip?" I asked and rolled my eyes. No matter what Beth will love to avoid telling me the truth when it's about herself.

She stayed silent and I sighed.

"You promised me to always tell me when there's something wrong. I didn't think you'd ever break a promise you made." I said.

"I always told you that I'm too difficult to deal with." She said looking down at her hands.

My mind was ready to yell at her. To make her stop belittling herself and making me want to break up with her.

But my heart wanted something completely different. It understood her, the pain, the doubt and all her past. It knew that no matter how hard Beth tried, this mindset was burned into her brain due to people like Kristen Harris.

"You are not too difficult to deal with. You aren't a burden, you aren't an inconvenience and you most definitely aren't a bad person. I will always repeat myself until you finally truly believe it." I said and lifted her head up so she looked into my eyes to see that I mean every word.

She shook her head and her eyes screamed the words that she didn't dare to speak. Her true thoughts. I knew that it would be along the lines of how I'm too good for her or stuff like that but how far these thoughts actually go? I have no idea.

"Now, tell me what happened." I said and then corrected myself, "When, where and what exactly." I said and smirked.

She smiled and pulled her phone out.

"Well yesterday I had the stupid urge to look through Instagram and Twitter comments from our haters. It caused a lot of things inside my head and ultimately made me run out of the flat with my key. I ran without realising how far I am actually going. Turns out I made it to Jesy's street and that's where I tripped over my own feet. I laid there for half an hour maybe. Then I made my way back here. That was all around 3 to 4 am." She finally confessed.

Well there are a lot of things I need to address right now.

I sat down next to her and then pulled her down so her head was in my lap.

"First of all, do you realise how dangerous that was? Any stranger could have seen you and do a million things to you that I don't even want to think about. You ran and what if you didn't even know where you were? You didn't have your phone so you would have been in trouble. You slipped and what if you had injured yourself more seriously? To the point where you wouldn't have been able to walk here again. It was fucking freezing yesterday and you laid on the street at around 3 or 4 am with this thin clothing? You will probably be sick. Second of all, all these comments don't matter. Whatever you read is not true. Even if anything at all is true, it's not their place to say something about it. But the reality is we are celebrities now, we have to handle it. That's why it's best if we just don't read it at all. Avoid it as much as we can. If you do read them, next time wake me up. It doesn't matter if you wake me. I'm your girlfriend Beth, I'm meant to be here for you, just like you are for me. If it were me in your position and I didn't wake you you'd be furious. If I hurt myself like you do, you'd be incredibly mad at me. Imagine how I feel?" I said.

She took it all in. Even though I was somehow scolding her it was all in a peaceful manner. While she was laying in my lap I traced her wounds with my fingers again, hating how I could have avoided that if she had woken me up.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"Are you though? Being sorry includes not wanting to do the thing you are sorry for again. But you would do it again, wouldn't You?" I said.

Her face turned into an expression that showed me she would.

"Exactly." I said and sighed, "Fact is, you don't trust me enough to tell me and show me everything."

"I trust you Perrie. I trust you with everything. You just don't under-" I cut her off.

"How am I meant to understand? You won't tell me anything. You don't trust me if you don't tell me anything at all." I said.

She sighed and sat up.

"Do you know how hard it is to keep on reminding myself that I'm not surrounded by the same people I used to be? Not these... friends that would leave at any kind of complication. Any time some stupid school girl tells them something about you that most of the time wasn't even true. And if it was, it hurt even more that they left. You know that I have extreme trust issues, anxiety and a whole lot more, but especially difficult are my separation issues.  Trying to make my brain understand that you won't leave me if I show you all my troubles. It is so hard to open up to you. Every time I do, my entire fears consume me and I expect you to rush out of the room and never look back. Even right now, I half expect you to pack your stuff and leave." She finally confessed.

My heart ached listening to her. I understand how she could possibly have this mindset but it still hurts. I won't ever leave her. I swear if I ever do so someone must have forced me to do so.

"Beth, I promise that I won't ever leave you. No matter what you tell me, I'll always be here. I'll stay here through everything, it can range from just you needing someone to let your frustration out on when you are on your period to having to carry the weight of the world for you. I will do anything and everything for you, no matter what." I assured.

She smiled through tears and I wiped them away gently.

"I love you so much." She said and a second later her eyes widened in shock, but she does not take her words back.

I smiled as widely as I never thought possible.

"I love you too. So much that you won't ever know how much actually. It increases every day." I said and she also smiled one of her widest and most genuine smiles ever.

We then kissed and the situation when we finally said these words and let each other know the exact way we meant It, could not have been more perfect. Even if both of us were teary eyed, Beth was injured and we just had an argument the second before.

It was still the most perfect experience of my life.

All because Beth was involved.

I always knew that she loved and me and I knew that she knew that I loved her. We just never said these words to each other in a genuine and romantic atmosphere.

I will stick with this girl forever. Otherwise I won't be with anyone else.