The Fifth Member (Little Mix/Perrie Edwards GxG)

Chapter 72

Perrie's POV:

We all still sat there and to slowly all relax for a second, we started talking about other things.

But of course my brain doesn't work that way.

Noah is alive. I have to break up with Beth. She tried to kill herself.

How could these three happen in one day?

After hours and hours, Beth stepped through the door alone.

Her and Sam shared a look and Sam nodded and stood up.

"Girls, let's go home for today. Anyone of you mind if I crash for few days?" She asked.

"Sure you can stay with me." Jesy said.

Sam nodded and thanked her.

"Noah has your number. He wants to catch up with you tomorrow." Beth said.

Sam nodded and they all left.

Now comes the hardest part.

Beth sat down opposite of me.

She still avoided looking into my eyes.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Overwhelmed." She said.

"Understandable. But it will all be okay." I assured.

Beth shook her head and started tearing up.

"I don't know how to express what I'm really thinking, without sounding like a complete idiot. That's how I feel anyways if I said it all out loud. And I almost always end up talking way too much without getting to the point. Anyways, no matter how hard you want to deny it Perrie, it is the complete truth that you helped me more than I helped you. You made my entire life worth living by just giving me the tiniest bit of attention. I will never understand why you settled for me. I will never understand why you are doing this to yourself. There are people out there, genuinely good people, that would put the world to your feet. And are actually able to. I'm not even mentally stable. I know you don't like to hear me talk about myself like that. But it's what is in the back of my mind all the time. You know, that night when we finally admitted our feelings, I had already prepared for our break up mentally. It sounds bad, but I was just sure that you wouldn't be able to handle me that long. That someone would win you over in a matter of weeks. But today? When I actually thought you were breaking up with me, I learned that you can't prepare yourself for that. I mean... it was the last push I needed to do one of the most selfish things in my entire existence. Not only in terms of leaving you, but Sam and the other girls. Especially Sam. She did so fucking much and I was seriously about to leave her. Anyways, I'm 100 percent sure that the therapy won't help. But hey, it's not like I have much of a choice anymore anyways. What I really want to tell you is... you really don't have to wait up for me. If it happens, that someone catches your eye, don't think about me, I wouldn't have any right to have anything against it. I will move out to give you space. I know we'll see each other everyday anyway, but there's a difference if we don't live together. Another thing I need to say, I'm sorry. I regret taking Xanax so much. And I regret almost taking my life today. Especially because Noah returned as well. And because I disappointed you. You have no clue, how embarrassed I am. I can't even properly look at you without feeling my entire insides fill with anxiety. I'm truly sorry for all the troubles I've caused you in the past, but no matter what the future holds, you will always be the most amazing person I know. The only person I've ever loved like that." She said looking basically past me.

I was crying as well. We aren't seriously breaking up right now.

Just no.

"You are really okay with it?" I asked barely audible.

"I won't let you go through my mood changes. Being mentally ill is bad, maybe one of the worst things, but having to deal with a mentally ill person isn't easy either. It's exhausting and a hassle. I know you'll still notice my struggles while touring, or when we work on the album, but it won't be as noticeable. It's not really up for debate that we break up. Sam has a point. And you know that too." She said still not looking at me.

I felt the need to hug her, kiss her, and just stay like that forever.

But this isn't a fairytale, it's real life.

"I know that you wouldn't let me go through that, but not being with you is just as hard. Beth I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. I can't bare seeing you in pain. I-" She cut me off.

"Perrie, I was in pain the whole time." She said breaking my heart.

"I noticed that after today, and that made me realise what an awful girlfriend I am. You weren't doing well and I needed you to do a suicide attempt for me to notice. I'm sorry Beth. I truly am. I failed you." I cried.

"We both failed each other. It's kinda funny, we loved each other so much, yet we still messed up." She shook her head.

Beth stood up and came up to me. She pulled me up by my hands and we stood face to face.

"This is either a goodbye, or a see you later to our relationship. It all comes down to if we are still in love with each other after I'm better. Maybe then, you can get to know the true, real me. Not that I've been fake, just minus all the sadness and depression." She said.

"I won't fall out of love with you. That's impossible." I said completely disgusted by the idea of being with other people.

"Time will tell." She smiled.

"I will get my stuff tomorrow." She said and then kissed my forehead.

Her lips lingered for more than five seconds. This is the last time she'll do this, until we get back together.

I savoured every second of it.

My hands were around her waist and we hugged for good two minutes.

If I let her go, it's done.

I don't want this.

I want her to get better, but I can help her with that.

Why won't they let me?

I couldn't stop crying.

Beth didn't let go either.

"Why do we have to break up? I can help you." I sobbed.

"I know you would try with all your being, but that wouldn't be healthy for us love." She said with such pain in her voice.

We tried to finally let go of each other, and after a minute we succeeded.

"Where will you stay?" I asked.

"On my way here with Noah I looked for a hotel. I'll look for a flat tomorrow." She said.

"See you tomorrow when I get my stuff." She smiled at me weakly.

I heard the door close and then shook my head and ram after her.

If I need to let her go for now, it won't be like this.

She was about to enter her car but I caught up to her and spun her around.

She looked confused.

"If we have to break up, fine, but you won't go without kissing me for one last time." I said and kissed her immediately afterwards.

She reciprocated immediately. We had a  very hard time stopping, because again, after this it's over.

We needed air though so finally we pulled apart.

How will I survive without feeling all these things?

She smiled again and drove away.

Now I'm alone.

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A/N: Guess who became a graduate today? Onto the A-Levels now😬