Messed Up || Chanlix

Chapter 21

Changbin took a seat next to Felix on the bench. He sat furthest away from the his ex and kept his eyes glued onto the ground. Felix wasn't used to Changbin being this cold to him. Changbin never treated him like this, not even once. Felix swallowed a lump and played with a piece of skin by his nail.

"What did you want to say to me? I have stuff to do later today." Changbin said in an annoyed tone. His voice was also laced with pain and sadness.

"I wanted to say that I am s-sorry." Felix said. Changbin scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Wow, didn't know such words were in your vocabulary." Felix's first instinct was to snap back and say something mean but he stopped himself.

"I know what I did was fucked up and I shouldn't have done such a thing to you. It was wrong and incredibly selfish of me." Felix's anxiety began to run wild. He didn't like being in such a vulnerable state. He wanted to scream and run away.

"Yes, Felix. It was incredibly selfish. Do you understand how much I have done for you and sacrificed? Why would you do such a thing?" Changbin said, finally looking up to meet Felix's chocolate brown eyes. Felix stumbled a bit, unsure of how to answer. He sat there silently trying to think of a way to respond.

"How many were there?" Changbin said after a moment's silence. Felix felt ashamed. He didn't want to answer, but he knew he should. Changbin deserved the truth after all.

"I-I lost count..." Felix said. He felt his eyes begin to sting. Tears were threatening to fall.

"God dammit, Felix!" Changbin shouted, causing Felix to jump at the sudden loudness. "You mean to tell me that throughout this whole time of us being together, you cheated on me with so many different people, you can't even remember how many?!" Changbin felt hot tears brew in the corner of his eyes. He truly felt betrayed. The one person he loved most betrayed him.

"Do you even love me?" Changbin said as the tears began to fall.

"N-not in the same way you do. Not anymore..." Felix responded, playing with his hoodie sleeves.

"Why didn't you tell me instead of cheating and lying to me?" Changbin questioned.

"I was afraid of losing you so I kept it from you. I still care about you, Binnie." Felix pleaded. Changbin rolled his eyes. Even after all this, Felix was still the same boy he loved before. He wanted to forgive him, but he just couldn't.

"Do you love him?" Felix looked at Changbin with a confused look on his face. "What do you mean?" Felix questioned.

"The person who left those hickies on you. Do you love him?" Changbin's voice became harsher. "I-I don't know... I think I do." Felix responded. Brutal honesty was the only option for this situation. Honesty and time will be the only thing that will make the situation better. Changbin felt his tears fall even harder. His heart shattered even more. "Was I not good enough for you?"

"That's not it! You're perfect. It's me who is not good enough. You don't deserve to be put through that and I am sorry I did that to you. I love yo-" Changbin cut Felix off before he could continue.

"You don't know what love is!" Changbin shouted. Felix's heart sunk. He sat there quietly, looking down at the ground. Maybe Changbin was right. Felix felt the tears that had been threatening to fall the whole conversation fly free. "I-I'm sorry, Binnie." Felix said through a choked sob. Changbin looked at the younger boy in shock.

This was the first time he had ever seen Felix cry. This is the first time Felix had ever let his guard down so much too. Changbin's anger quickly subsided. Felix broke down completely and at this point was ugly crying. "Come here." Changbin said, pulling Felix into a tight embrace. Changbin hated how Felix always made him weak.

Even when he was most angry and upset, Felix always had him wrapped around his finger. Felix cried loud and hard. The boys were both grateful that they were the only ones at the park. "Look- I'm sorry for what I said earlier." Changbin reassured, rubbing soft circles on Felix's back.

"I don't want to lose you. I still want to be friends. P-please..." Felix choked. Changbin sighed loudly, "You aren't going to lose me, okay? I just need time to forgive you and to move on. I'm still here and I'm still your best friend." Changbin reassured the small boy. They sat there quietly for a moment. Changbin cried silently while Felix choked softly on his own sobs. Changbin waited for the boy to quiet down completely before pulling away.

"I need to get going. Give me some time to be able to even look at you, because currently I can't. I can't even look at the others either without feeling anger." Changbin spoke softly. Felix looked at the boy with a confused look.

"They told me that they all knew you tried cheating on me with Hyunjin's dad. They weren't aware of the other times. Hyunjin's dad? Really, Lix?" Felix looked down in embarrassment. That was something very low of him to do. Changbin's look of genuine disgust broke his heart.

"I feel betrayed by not only you, but the others as well. I need time to heal, but I won't go away, okay?" Changbin said, forcing out a small smile. Felix smiled back, nodding and hugged the boy one last time before they parted. "Take care of yourself." Felix said before lightly kissing his ex boyfriend's cheek and walking back home.