Just the way you are

Chapter 1

Camila' view: I was always asking me why I am living. For what? Just to be unhappy? To get hurt everytime?

I always wished to have a happy life, a life with much love, happiness and hope. But I had nothing of them, no love, no happiness, no hope.

My life was just nonsense. I was living to be dead, well I felt like that.

My name is Camila Ferra and I am 19 years old.

My life changed when I was 12 years old. My father left me and my mother. For no reason. From there on my mom became depressive and sick. I knew that she still loved my father. I was her only person who took care of her. I was happy to help and support her. She was the only person who made me happy. I loved her so much. I had big hopes that everything will become perfect again, even without my father. But I was completely wrong.

Three years ago, she took her life. She jumped from a bridge...

The person, the only person for me in this mean world, was my mum but she left me. Didn't she think about me? How I would live without her?

Three years passed but I still felt dead. Like at this moment the hospital told me that my mum took her life.

Everything got worse and worse.

I threw my school education.

I began to consume drugs to forget my pain for a couple of time and I became addicted.

One time it bacame so worse with my drug addiction that I ended up in hospital where I had to be for 1 month. It was last year. You ask if I stopped consuming drugs? No, I couldn't. Without them I was lost, dead.

Many doctors told me that there are bad chances for me if I continue. For me it didn't matter if I die or not...

I am Spanish. I lived in Barcelona in a small "flat" , well if you can say this to a ruine, with some other girls who had the same problem as me: drugs! Together we wanted to achieve to not take drugs. To stop this poison, this horrible routine of consuming it. It was like a help organisation. We already achieved 1 month. 1 month of being hurt without ending. I thought that I will die. With drugs I didn't feel pain, rather not the deep pain.

I sat on my bed and was watching down Barcelona's streets. Every day I thought about my mum also like now. I saw many people on the streets, smiling and laughing around. No problems, nothing... "Don't they have any pain?", I thought.

Pain, Pain, Pain! It just did not stop. No matter what I did-it just became worse everytime. Calmly I looked around the dark room where the girls and me lived. Now they were not at home. "Maybe I can....?", I thought. No, no, no, no!!! "But I will die if I feel this pain..." I had the feeling as if my head explodes.

I just could think about the drugs which I hid 1 month ago. It was really a miracle that I did not take them in this one month. But admittedly I tried everyday to take them.

This time I failed. I could not anymore... "Just this one time...only this time...", I whispered.

Calmly I stood up and moved to the living room. I hid the drugs behind the sofa, in the very deep corner...

When I found them, I first was happy. I smiled like for years.

In a greedy way I started to consume them. I enjoyed it... My head began to turn. My brain started to forget.

The living room around me started to become blurred. "Yes! Yes!", I thought. But it became very hot so I decided to go outside. At this moment I did not think about any danger...

I went putting on my black coat and stood in front of the mirror.

Blurred, everything blurred. But I saw a girl in the mirror, with dark brown long hair, and green eyes.

Happily I marched outside. I didn't know if you can call this happiness. I knew it was wrong doing this again. Trying to push this thought away and stepped into the streets of Barcelona. Normally it was cold but I did not feel anything. "Going through the streets of Barcelona, being in a drug intoxication!" , I thought. People were watching me a bit crazy and also making fun about me because I had some problems with my balance, but I didn't care. They all were ignorant.

Slowly the drugs became worse. My head started to hurt more. It seemed as if I saw the world around me-Barcelona- through a tube. I crossed the street, without paying attention on it and on the cars.

Suddenly I heard deep voices around me, shouting, screaming loudly. Too loud than I was used to.

"Stop girl, hey stop!" I heard.

All at once someone pull me strongly back. I lied on the ground felt a deep pain on my shoulders. My eyes began to close. Someone shook me.

I just saw an outline of a face, not more. And then my eyes closed and I saw everything black...