𝚑𝚞𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚎 𝚟𝚒𝚒𝚒

How To Escape A Graveyard

After an hour in after the car accident, you find yourself shoved and locked inside a corpse. B-but who put you in here? Most importantly why?

*deja vu magically appears of you driving a getaway car despite not having a driver's license. This was obviously not good for you*

Now now, don't freak out! Simply punch a hole through the corpse and break yourself free from underneath the soil. See, easy! No big deal besides the bruises and light amnesia you're experiencing at this very moment. The bruises serve as a daily reminder of how strong you were to survive a gruesome car crash *mumble* or how stupid you were to get in a car crash in the first place....

Allow me to remind you who you're supposed to call to bail you out of this graveyard. His name is D e r r e n -

Not, not Deeran. I DIDN'T SAY ED SHEERAN, I SAID D E R R E N FOR BAGELS SAKE!!

*after me screaming at you for 45 minutes, your brain finally kicking in and recalling Derren and his unpleasant company*

Now pick up the phone. wHaT's a PhOnE you ask? Well *directly tosses you phone at your forehead* Now do you remember?

Tell Derren how much you appreciate him, miss him and thst he is loved. You're very sorry for kicking him out of the car and that you swear such actions will never occur again.

Most of this is a lie, but Derren doesn't know this. No truth, no crime. Riiigghhtt??

Once Derren has shoveled you out of the graveling ground, shove him inside and steal his car. nO cAr kEyS? What are you talking about? They're right in your palm tsk tsk.

NOW GO!! BEFORE DERREN ESCAPES!-

Second thought take your time *laughs like a maniac* it's Derren we're talking about anyways.

Ⓗⓞⓦ Ⓣⓞ Ⓔⓢⓒⓐⓟⓔ Ⓐ Ⓖⓡⓐⓥⓔⓨⓐⓡⓓ

Step 1: Insanely drive Derren's car out of the graveyard. Knock off anything in your way, EXCEPT THE ELDERLY WOMAN WITH THE WHEELCHAIR

Step 2: Don't knock off any more elderly people anymore

Step 3: Jam to some music

Step 4: Find a bridge. The London Bridge, Brooklyn Bridge, Golden Gate Bridge, Barney Bridge. ANY. DAMN. BRIDGE.

Step 5: Live. Love. Laugh. Learn.

Ignore that damn radio ad, just kEeP oN dRiViNg, and be bLiNdEd bY tHE LiGhTs

Step 6: Drive to Sin City instead when it's CoLd aND eMpTy-

STOP DANCING LIKE A MANIAC TO 'BLINDING LIGHTS'! STEP 6 DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT NO SIN CITY- *gasp* you must be hallucinating again!!

NO NO NO, THAT'S A DEAD END--

On a Wednesday in traffic *sigh* I watch it begin again.

Step 7: Repeat step 8 from the last chapter. It's very handy. Don't you agree? *pats self without breaking any bones* Yes Yes. I know. I'm such a genius.

Step 8: *whisper* There's actually no Step 8