<Dora>
I can't believe Donald would say something like that!
And to my parents... of ALL people.
I thought that I knew him but I really don't.
Sometimes reality can hit you like a fucking brick 'cause I HAD A LIL CRUSH ON THE GUY NOT A BIG ONE BUT THEN AFTER A FEW DAYS, I CAUGHT MYSELF THINKING ABOUT HIM TOO MUCH AND THAT LIL CRUSH WAS NO LONGER A LIL CRUSH AND IT RUINED MY ENTIRE LIFE??? WTF I'M ONLY SEVEN I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS SHITTT
Basically it be like woah woah now you got too much dip on your chip.
(Yes, I can be swag too.)
But, the problem is, I don't want to marry Rico either! Or get fucking sacrificed to Teletubby Land. I don't know what to do! Like I said, I'm only seven years old.
Suddenly, a lightbulb appears over my head.... (no not literally u stupid) Why don't I move to Mexico where my cousin Diego lives??? He sure as hell would treat me better than Trump does. We were really close friends when we were younger! Maybe that friendship is still there!
I quickly summon Swiper with another beautiful satanic ritual.
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT???" The ugly red fox shouts when he sees me. "I was eating bacon pancakes with Jake!"
"I have no idea who that is," I say calmly, "but I want you to swipe me a car."
"UGH, FINE! BUT YOU OWE ME A BLOWJOB."
He swipes the car for me and I drive to the airport. I don't have a license (like I keep saying, I'm seven years old) so hopefully the cops won't pull me over.
A/N: *Flashback moment* "hArRY sHe's fiVE." (You are elite if you understand that reference just saying)
(Also who even knows how her feet can reach the pedals)
I seriously hope that Diego isn't with the weird girl that I always see him with. There are only three types of people in this world: leftists, rightists and hippies. That girl is definitely a hippie. You can tell by the way she preaches about climate change, yet does nothing to stop it, and how there is permanently a thick aroma of cannabis following her around. Needless to say, she gets on my nerves.
Especially when she doesn't share that cannabis with me; goddammit.
I park my stolen car outside of the airport and then jump out. You know what,,. I'm pretty impressed with myself since I managed to find my way there without help from Map! Bien hecho!
And you know what else? I don't care if Donald ruins America just like he ruined my family. I won't be here to see it anymore.
This is it, America, goodbye.
