Once upon a time, there was a magnificent land known as the United States of America. In a small neighbourhood located within the state named Colorado, there lived a very fucked up child whose brain was likely the size of a peanut. Her name was Dora The Explorer. She was a dumb, disgusting, grimy, boring, backstabbing, conceited, untalented, immature, acne-ridden, rodent-faced whore of a child who always smelled like rotten cheese. She sported a strange, football-shaped head and terrible haircut. Her hair and eyes were shit brown.
<Dora's point of view>
Hola, my name's Dora! Do you know that hola means hello in Spanish? Let's say it together. Remember it's: Hola. Say it with me. 3, 2, 1....Hola. Let's try again. Hola. Well done. Now one last time! Hola! Very good! Well done! Bien hecho!
Today I'm ready to go on a new adventure. It's a new morning and I finally feel ready. I had a long and painful dump this morning. Now I'm almost out the front door with my trusty backpack when my parents stop me for once.
"Where are you going, Dora?" My dad asks. Where the fuck do you think man? I've been doing this for almost 3 years or something.
Of course, I don't say that aloud. I'm not a bitch.
"No se." I sigh, running a hand through my greasy hair. I never really know where I'm going. I'm a lost soul just like everyone else.
"Just be back before la cena!" My mom yells.
"Imma be back whenever I want to, mom, I'm almost 8," I say as I walk outside.
"This bitch." I hear my dad mutter.
As I walk away from the hellhole that I call my home, I decide to start my adventure with a visit to Babies R Us because I ran out of diapers. My parents don't buy them for me anymore because "dOrA yOu'RE toO oLD tO wEAr DiApERs nOw." Yeah, right, never mind the fact that I'm trapped in this tiny pubescent body forever.
Anyway, I have to tell you a secret. I know that we only just met but we're best friends now so deal with it bitch.
.........I'm in love with President Donald Trump.
There, I said it.
His lovely bright skin makes him look like an orange or a carrot and who doesn't love a good orange or carrot? His hair looks like corn. I also love corn. Whenever he speaks in his glorious American accent, he sounds like a demon screeching. It's so beautiful.
I know that he hates Mexicans, but I can't help it. I love him. I'm so in love with him that I write 'Mrs Dora Trump' in every notebook that I own. I'm so in love with him that I carve our initials into every tree that I come across with the knife that I always keep in my backpack. I'm so in love with him that I hoard a secret stash of things that I frequently collect while stalking him. This collection includes a deliciously crusty strand of his hair, a half-eaten apple that he once dropped on the ground, a pen that he once chewed on and
one of his old grandpa shoes that he threw out. HIS GERMS ARE IN MY BEDROOM. It's the best thing ever.
My gay monkey friend Boots (yes he is gay, stop being homophobic it's 2018) is disgusted by my crush on him. In fact he didn't talk to me for an entire week when he found out. But I don't care. I am proud to say that I love Donald Trump. I will forever be his biggest fan. Every day I go on my laptop and search for images of him to add to my collection. He looks like Prince Charming in my favourite picture with his hair blowing majestically in the wind. A shit ton of hot pictures come up when I type his sexy name into Google (so many that it should be illegal) but also ones of him with that stupid Melania. What kind of name is that anyway?
She isn't right for him. She's much younger than him and it's painfully obvious that she just wants his money. He should be with me instead. I love him more than she is capable of. Unfortunately, soon I will have to marry someone else. My fiancé is named Rico. He's Mexican like me and his parents are close friends with mine. I never wanted to be engaged to him but in my hometown, we have to be married and have 3 kids by 16 or else we will be sacrificed to the gods of Teletubby land.
It's my worst fear.
~Author P.O.V~
(Yes, we are going to switch perspectives a lot in this book. Deal with it)
Dora has been in love with the President for two years. She denied it for the first six months, fought it for another three and avoided news about him for all two days before realizing the news about him was too intriguing and she couldn't stay the fuck away. She just had to know what amazing decision he had next made as President.
This was the kind of love where she would swap her Xbox just to sit next to Donald, the kind of love where she writes their names into a heart, the kind of love where she purchases orange juice so they can have the same drink (and it also matches his skin).
For Dora, things are about to change.
○_○
Okay, I officially withdraw my existence. Lmfao why tf did I write this shiiiit
P.S: that Rico guy (who I made up) is based on Rico Sauve from Disney's Hannah Montana.
