As Cold As Ice // Charlie Gillespie

Chapter 26

"Just go." That's all I manage to say to him. I can't look at him. Partly, because whenever I look at him I see the picture of him and Kaylie kissing and partly, because the look in his eyes makes me want to hug and forgive him. I can see him trying to come a step closer but Sarah steps closer to him and says "She said: go." I've never heard her talk to someone like that. Her voice is so firm it doesn't leave room for contradiction. I don't need to look at Charlie to know he's struggling to figure out how to act. I can feel his tension and regret. I can see it in the way he's standing in front of us.

"Mia if you'd just let me explain." A small part of me wants to just step up to him and let him wrap me safely in his arms but the bigger, and more reasonable, part wants to get as far away from him as possible. I opened up to him, told him things I've never told anyone and then he goes and does this? He takes me out on this perfect date just to make out with the girl that has it out for me? How could he do that? I can't believe I was foolish enough to think there was actually something real between us.

"Mia?" I don't think I've ever been that glad to hear my mums voice. She's parked right behind us and I bet she is more than confused about the picture she sees. Sarah standing in between me and Charlie like a wall, separating us from each other. I turn around and start walking towards the car. Sarah follows me but Charlie doesn't move. He doesn't say anything either. I guess he doesn't want to make a scene in front of my mum. "Mia" Before I open the car door Sarah gently brushes my arm so I turn around to look at her. It takes all my strength not to look past her to Charlie. "Do you want me to stay with you tonight"? I shake my head weakly, suddenly feeling really drained. "I just wanna sleep. I'll call you in the morning."

Once I'm in the car and the door is shut mum starts driving and even though I'm trying my hardest not to, I look over at Charlie. He's still standing in the same spot. The way he's standing screams sadness and pain and I think I can see tears building in his eyes, even though I might just be imagining it, it's hard to tell in the darkness. For a few minutes mum drives without saying anything but once we're a little further away from the club and my body starts to relax a little she carefully says "Honey, what happened?" I just shake my head weakly once again. "I can't talk about it yet." She nods understandingly. "Just tell me one thing: did he do something to you? Because if he did I'll call the principal. I won't have him stay..."

"Mum," I stop her "it's fine. He can stay. He didn't do anything." I don't know why I said that. Every inch of me wants him gone but I guess there is a very small part that doesn't. Seeing him with Kaylie hurt like hell but imagining not seeing him anymore at all, I just can't bare that thought yet. The past week I've grown so used to having him around and I just don't want things to end like this, I can't. I can tell mum isn't convinced so for the first time in my life I full on lie to my mum when I say "It wasn't even his fault. I'll talk to him tomorrow. It's all good, really." It takes all my strength to force a small smile on my lips and to hide the sudden feeling of nausea that overcomes me. I don't know what's worse, that I just lied to my mum to protect Charlie or that I protected him after what he just did.

Instead of going to bed straight away I go to take a shower. I feel like I need to wash every trace of his touch off my skin. Once the hot water touches my skin it's like all the emotions I bottled up in the car are set free. Out of nowhere another river of tears streams down my face. This time it's soundless tears, no sobs, nothing. The more water runs over my skin the emptier I feel. When the water starts turning colder I have to get out of the shower. I slip into my pjs quickly and make a run for my room, worried I might bump into Charlie. I don't know if he's back yet but I don't want to risk it. In my room I curl up in my blanket and close my eyes. As soon as I do the image of Charlie and Kaylie appears again. I try my best to push it away but I can't.

After at least two hours of trying to sleep I give up. By now it's 5am. I didn't hear Charlie come home so I guess he must have come back while I was in the shower. I crawl out of bed and change into my skating clothes. Even though it's Sunday I know the school opens at 6am so I'll just get there right at that time. I'm sure being on the ice will help. I tiptoe into the kitchen to make myself a coffee and grab an aspirin. I write my mum a note letting her know where I am. I pour my coffee into a to go cup. I need to get out of here before Charlie wakes up. When I walk out the door I check to see if dad's car is back, which it is. I hurl into my car and start driving far away from him.