Changing Him

Chapter 20

As time grew, it became harder for me to deal with the fact that Marcus wasn't mine, and he never would be. But as long as he was still there for me; I was okay.

Even though we promised, Shay and I barely talked. We texted every now and then but never facetimed. If I was being honest, I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. Her constant negativity was part of my downfall.

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Over the last couple weeks I had gotten into journaling. It gave me a healthy way to express my feelings. I got up from my bed and opened my journal to a clean page, beginning to write.

Depression takes away the memory of actually feeling happy. More specifically the memory of the feeling. You remember a time when you were happy but you don't remember what it feels like. So even when you've recovered a great deal, you're never really sure.

I always asked myself if I'd ever get back to the place I was at and then realize I can not place that feeling so Ill never know. The hard part is that I only exist as me. So maybe happiness is just this mild feeling where I'm relatively okay with life.

Time was passing faster that I wanted it to. If you would have asked me a couple months ago if I wanted to fast forward ten years, I would have said yes without hesitation. However, me now wants to live in the present. I found beauty in things I never thought I would. And I owe most of it to Marcus. You never know how much someone will make an impact in your life. He showed me there was more to life than what I was experiencing. He showed me what it's like to have someone care for you like you deserve. Although we weren't together, I would do anything for him.

I closed my journal before putting in a safe place.

One of the best parts of finding out your doing better is the people noticing around you. My brother had been telling me I looked happier and noticed I was eating more. My mom told me I stopped moving and speaking slowly and how she loved that I stopped hanging out in my room so much. It was the little thing mattered.

✼

My phone beamed onto my face in my dark room. It was 1:00am when I heard a knock at my window. I was scared shitless as I looked over to see Marcus' face in the window. I let out a sigh of relief before walking over, opening the window. "What the hell are you doing here?" I whispered as he told me to meet him outside.

I closed and locked my window before walking downstairs to the front door. I disabled the alarm without making noise and opened the front door. "I want to show you something." He talked in a normal voice now that we were outside. "Okay. What is it?" I stood, shivering as he put his sweatshirt over my shoulders. "It's not here. You have to come with me." He put his hand out infront of me. "I cant leave. I'll get in so much trouble." I widened my eyes at him. "Just trust me. I'll have you back in time, no one will notice." I took his hand as he led me to his car.

We sat down as he drove out of the driveway, going slowly in order to not make noise. "Are you going to tell me where we're going?" I let out a small laugh. "No. You'll see." I shrugged my shoulders as continued driving. After about 30 minutes, we arrived at a parking lot that was surrounded by trees.

"You're not gonna kill me right?" He rolled his eyes at my comment before telling me to close my eyes.