Glimpses of Yesterday (Isla Contejo #2)

Chapter 31

PINAGBUKSAN ko ng pinto si Aquilus at agad na bumungad sa akin ang ngiti niya. Yumuko siya upang halikan ako ngunit pasimple akong umiwas. I bet he noticed that, but he just kept silent as his stare lingered at me.

"Come in."

Pumasok siya sa room na tinutuluyan ko rito sa hotel at sinundan ako sa couch.

"Grabe, ang trapik kanina," reklamo niya. "Akala ko aabutin na ako ng gabi sa daan, e."

I just smiled a little. Nagpatuloy siya sa pagkukuwento sa akin ng naging biyahe niya patungo rito. Hindi ko naman magawang makapakinig dahil ang daming gumugulo sa isipan ko. Isa na 'yong mga sinabi sa akin ni Arsen kahapon.

He said that he still loves me and he was even begging for a second chance. His words from yesterday were still stuck in my head and it didn't let me sleep properly last night.

He knew very well that I still have feelings for him. I didn't know if it was really obvious by the way I look at him or he really just felt it. Mukhang hindi nga ako magaling magtago ng nararamdaman kahit gaano ko man ipilit. My love for him until now was always rising and winning.

May parte sa akin na gusto nang ipagtapat sa kaniya na hanggang ngayon ay mahal ko pa rin siya. Gusto ko nang bumalik sa kaniya. I wanted to get home to him who used to be my home for so many years before. Because no matter what I do, no matter how I tried to forget him -- my mind, my heart, and my soul would always know how to come back to him.

My feelings would always find a way back. It would always look for him. It would forever long for him.

Kaso, gaano ko man kagustong bumalik, may parte rin sa akin na natatakot. The issues that broke us apart years ago weren't a joke. It was all serious and painfully tiring. I was afraid that if we get back together, history might repeat itself. I wasn't even sure yet if he already changed.

I could see this time that he looked happy for me and for my career, but pretending was just easy. Malay ko kung nagkukunwari lang siya. Baka katulad pa rin siya ng dati na palaging masama ang loob sa tuwing may naa-achieve ako 'tapos ako pa ang magi-guilty kahit wala naman akong kasalanan. Ayaw ko nang maramdaman 'yong ganoon at ayoko na rin siyang hayaan pa ulit na tratuhin ako nang gano'n.

Isa pa sa mga inaalala ko, hinding-hindi ako maaaring bumalik sa kaniya hangga't hindi ko naitatama ang lahat ng mayroon ako ngayon. Kailangan kong itama ito at ayokong masaktan si Aquilus. Naging unfair na ako sa kaniya sa nagdaang pitong buwan magmula pa lang noong makilala ko siya. Ayaw ko nang mas maging unfair pa dahil hindi niya deserve 'yon.

"Babe? Babe, are you okay?"

Napakurap-kurap ako nang marahang alugin ni Aquilus ang balikat ko. Naputol ang pagkakatulala ko sa linya ng kawalan at nailipat sa kaniya ang tingin. His face was etched with worry as he watched me closely.

"Are you okay?"

Napahinga ako nang malalim at pilit siyang nginitian. "Y-Yeah."

"You sure? Kumain ka ba? Bakit parang matamlay ka?"

Muli akong bumuntonghininga at hinarap siya. Nagbaba ako ng tingin sa kamay niya at inabot ito upang hawakan nang mahigpit. His eyes looked down on it.

"Aqui..."

His eyes quickly looked up to meet my gaze. I looked at him directly as I felt my heart getting weaker every second. Something was breaking in me, but I knew that I needed to do the right thing.

"You are important to me," panimula ko. "And I care for you, you know that."

Inaamin kong sinagot ko lang siya noong manligaw siya dahil pakiramdam ko, puwede na ulit akong magmahal ng iba. Akala ko ay puwede ko nang bigyan ng pagkakataon ang sarili ko na sumubok ulit. I also saw it as an opportunity to help myself more in forgetting Arsen, but months went on, nothing happened.