Glimpses of Yesterday (Isla Contejo #2)

Chapter 36

UMIGTING lalo ang panga ni Arsen at mas lalong bumilis ang pagtataas-baba ng dibdib. May nakikita pa rin akong pagkalito sa mga mata niya ngunit nangingibabaw ang takot at lungkot doon.

"Where's the baby, then? He or she is probably five years old by now. Where's our baby?"

His question triggered my emotions more. Hindi ko na napigilan ang tuloy-tuloy na pagbuhos ng mga luha ko. Ilang sandali kong hinayaan ang sariling umiyak. Ilang sandali kong hinayaang durugin ang puso ko ng masakit na alaalang iyon bago ko pinunasan ang mga luha ko at tinatagan ang sarili na sabihin sa kaniya ang totoo.

Ang pangamba sa ekspresyon niya ay hindi na maitatago pa. He was looking straight at me using his fragile eyes while waiting for my response.

"I had a miscarriage..." I finally had the courage to speak.

I watched how his expression turned more lifeless and devastated. My heart pricked when his eyes got coated with tears as he looked down again on the sonogram. His tears met his cheeks until his knees went weak. Unti-unti siyang napaupo sa gilid ng kama at matunog na napahikbi.

Parang sinaksak ng matulis na bagay ang dibdib ko nang marinig ko ang sakit sa bawat paghikbi niya. Nabitawan niya ang sonogram at itinakip sa mukha ang mga palad at doon nagpatuloy ng iyak.

Dahan-dahan akong lumapit at lumuhod sa harap niya upang magpantay kami. Marahan kong ibinaba ang mga kamay niyang nakatakip sa mukha niya at sinapo ko ang namumula niyang mga pisngi dahil sa kaiiyak. My tears just flooded my cheeks more when I saw how devastated he was. His sobs were heartbreaking to hear. His eyes looked like they were in so much pain.

"I-I'm sorry..." I uttered as I cried with him.

"How d-did that happen?"

Lumunok ako at humugot muna ng hininga dahil hindi na ako makahinga nang maayos sa sobrang pag-iyak.

"A few weeks after we broke up, I found out that I was six weeks pregnant." I sniffed and wiped off some tears on my cheeks. "I still had an ultrasound and the doctor told me na... mahina 'yong kapit ng baby kaya she advised me to be extra careful."

Nakayuko lang siya habang nakikinig sa akin. Patuloy pa rin ang pag-agos ng mga luha sa pisngi niya kagaya ko.

"Pero masyado ko pa kasing dinadamdam 'yong paghihiwalay natin noon kahit na ako naman ang may gusto n'on. I-I don't know... I was so emotional and I was so stressed. I was just shocked to see blood running down my thighs one time."

Hindi ko agad nasundan ang sinasabi ko dahil parang hindi ko na kayang alalahanin ang tagpong iyon. Parang hinihiwa ang puso ko sa sakit. Dagdag pa ang iyak na naririnig ko mula sa kaniya. It felt like it was slowly killing me. I didn't know if could still stop from crying.

"The next thing I knew, I was already at the hospital with Ciello. T-the doctor told me that the baby's g-gone."

Mariin siyang napapikit dahilan ng pagbagsak ng marami pang luha sa pisngi niya. I sobbed continuosly and held on his hand tightly. He was too weak to even hold my hand back.

"I'm sorry..." I uttered once again. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to take care of our baby."

Mabagal siyang napailing at niyakap ako kahit nanghihina siya. Umiyak ako sa balikat niya at ganoon din siya sa akin. I caressed his back to console him, but his cries couldn't be tamed.

"No. I'm sorry," his voice was breaking. "It wouldn't happen if not because of me. Our breakup stressed you out and the b-baby. I'm sorry..."

"Sshh. It's not your fault. It will never be your fault. Stop saying that."