Why Run, When You Can Hide?

Oh, Sweet Rejection

(This is from Lennon's perspective.I'm going to alternate from now on)

 I wake up from a dream, willing myself to fall back asleep so I can continue it. Having no luck, I get out of bed and find some clean clothes, but it doesn’t take long before my thoughts wander to memories of last night. Well, mostly the memories of Jazz. Her laugh, the way she bites her lip while she's thinking, the way her eyes lit up when I played her song. It was all so surreal.

I try to hold off on texting her, but my will snaps in half by eleven o'clock so I do it anyway. I hope I don’t wake her.

It only takes her a second to reply, and I smile when I see her name on my screen. We talk for awhile, jus† small talk really, until I pop the question. She answers in a way I should have expected, knowing her. She wants me to ask in person. Of course. The thought of asking in person makes me nervous, but  I've always liked challenges. I tell her that I'm on my way, and build enough courage to send a wink face.

I get in my car and pull out of the drive way before I can register what I'm doing, let alone what I'm about to do. Maybe it was too forward to just invite myself over, what if I scared her off? She didn’t reply. Is she thinking of ways to blow me off?

Calm. Down.

I take some deep breaths and force myself to keep driving. Jazz had told me to ask her in person… well this was me asking. I haven't had a lot of experience with girls, but if she didn’t want me to ask her she would have just texted back no. I don’t think she'd make me ask in person if she was going to reject me, right?

No no no no no. Jazz isn't that kind of girl. Nope. No way.

I park outside her house but not in the driveway, because that’s more of a boyfriend thing to do.  I take some more breaths and start up the driveway, knocking on the door three times when I get there. This may seem dumb, but three is my lucky number, and I need some luck right now.

Jasper opens the door, and I can hear my heart speed up. She looks amazing. Her shoulder length hair is down, and I feel the need to tell her I've always liked how she dyed the ends purple, it was kind of bad ass. I feel like I'm going to throw up but I make myself form words.

"Hello, Jasper" I peer down at her and smile.

"Hello, Lennon." She stops and laughs "Our shirts have the same band logo on them" I look down and see that we are both wearing black shirts with the  NIRVANA symbol on it. That has to be a good sign.

"Appears so. Anyway, are you free tonight?" I feel my stomach lurch as I try to read her expression. She looks, conflicted. That’s worrying.

I see a new found determination  in her eyes and immediately wish I had not come.

"Lennon, I… I'm so sorry. I- I can't. I… You should go." She looks close to tears, and I want nothing more than to take her in my arms and say its alright, but I don’t. Instead I hear myself saying goodbye and next thing I know I'm in my car. I didn’t fight for her, I didn’t tell her it was okay. There was nothing romantic or poetic about it. All I said was goodbye. Its like I've already given up.

Whoa there! Hold the phone!

The little voice in my head  screams at me.

You are not giving up. Are you freaking kidding me? She is perfect! You are going to put up a fight, and its going to be a damn good one!

I sigh. The voice makes a good point, but I don’t want to seem creepy. I'll decide what to do later.

When I get home, I put on my headphones and just lie in bed, thinking about her. I must fall asleep, because when I wake up, its dark out. I check my phone and see a text from Jasper. My heart rate jumps and I read quickly.

Jasper/I'm really sorry about that. But let me explain

She had said that about an hour ago, but I text back anyway. Bracing myself for the possibility of more rejection.

Lennon/Go ahead.

Jasper/Okay. I was going to say yes, honest. But then I answered the door and saw how nervous you looked, but underneath that was serious eagerness, and I realized  I couldn’t say yes. Its better this way, please believe that.

This hurts. A lot. Its better this way? How could it be better? I like her so much, and we're both old enough to be smart about this. We're seniors! Does she not feel the same way? I decide to take that little voices advice. I'm not going to take this lying down, I'm not giving up.

Lennon/I'm sorry, but I don’t think I'll ever believe that.

She doesn’t answer, but I didn’t think she would anyway