| torn up

~ chapter 46 ☁️

It's Tuesday lunchtime and the girls, Jasper and I are currently gathered around our usual table in the cafeteria.

It's about halfway through our break and much to Piper's and Asha's dismay, Jasper and I have spent most of it squealing about Crimson Sky 2. It's only in the last minute or so that Piper has demanded us to refrain from yakking on about it any further as according to her, she doesn't want her entire lunch break to be wasted having to listen to us waffle on.

Now the conversation has moved onto the upcoming game this Friday and Jasper and the girls are all eagerly engrossed in their football talk. We're all going of course. Piper is a total sucker for the whole school spirit stuff and holds a very passionate belief that football games are the absolute best places to go to get a look at hot and sweaty boys. And of course Jasper is going to be playing in the game which means Asha is definitely going. And with the way our friendship group generally works, if at least two of us are going somewhere then you can bet your chances that the third one is also going to be dragged along- that is, excluding Piper's wild clubbing habits though.

Becoming bored with their chatter about the game, I find myself being distracted as I sweep my gaze over the hall. Of course the first place my eyes wonder to is the table Mason usually hangs out at.

Mason's and I relationship the past couple days has been weird to say the least. I know that after the party last week that I had come out of it not quite knowing how to move forward and how to get over that night. In fact I wasn't even sure whether it was really best for us to even remain as close as we were prior to Friday anymore.

But yesterday evening we had been texting back and fourth and I had mentioned that my stomach was feeling a little queasy. And when he had turned up at my door half an hour later with my favourite dessert in hand, I couldn't find it in me to turn him away. And I'll admit, the first couple of minutes or so were quite awkward, for me at least- he seemed completely fine. But once I had gotten over myself, we ended up having a genuinely good time binging Netflix together. It felt exactly like how everything had done before the day we almost kissed.

And even today in English Literature with him, there wasn't a moment of awkwardness between us, not even at the start of the lesson. I've found that in his presence I honestly mostly forget about Friday, it's only after I leave him that the anxiety and uneasiness I feel about getting too close with him all over again comes back. I confided a little in the girls about it earlier in PE, well as much as I could do without risking getting a detention from coach and they had promised we'll talk about it again at some point properly. Although to be honest judging from the serious and disapproving looks they had been shooting me in gym as well as just the general and overwhelming situation being to do with Mason, I'm not sure if I can quite handle anymore today. My feelings are already all over the place enough as it is.

Looking at him now, I have to stop myself from staring at him too long. The last thing I want is to get caught. And yet with how picturesque and handsome he is, I just can't help it sometimes. Damn him for being so gosh darn cute I think bitterly in my head, forcing myself to shift my gaze.

My peering continues to sweep across the hall until I spot sight of a certain black haired boy.
Spying Eli chatting to Haider across the cafeteria, I'm instantly reminded of Sunday. We haven't talked or even texted since then and I've been especially making an effort of trying to avoid him after he found out I'm tagging along on the upcoming weekend getaway. Oddly enough, the few times I have set eyes on him these past few days, I've instantly been hit with a feeling of guilt. It's obviously something to do with how I kept Sunday's little outing a secret from the girls and now I feel like it's some kind of dirty, little secret I must stop Asha and Piper from ever possibly finding out about.