| torn up

~ chapter 47 ☁️

'Okay, so spill. Have you decided what you're going to do about Mason?'

There it is. The question I've been waiting for all day- the only question that's constantly been on my mind these last few days.

Looking at the girls sitting on either side of me and intensely staring at me in anticipation of my answer, I heave a sigh and drop my sandwich. Clasping my fingers together in my lap, I take a deep breath before speaking and letting go of everything that has been plaguing my mind recently.

'I already told you guys. I don't know.' I confess honestly, nervously biting my lip before continuing. 'Obviously I've had the biggest crush on him for a while now. And like even putting all that stuff aside, he is genuinely just so fun to be around as a friend too. Like we get on so well and he's always making me laugh. If I'm being completely honest, I just want us to go back to how we were a week ago. But at the same time, a part of me just can't forget about that night at the party too, you know?'

I'm almost scared to see the girl's reactions as they listen closely to me try and speak my thoughts in a coherent manner and not just ramble as per usual. I know that after Friday night, they both have mixed feelings about Mason now. While Asha is still suspicious of him, her feelings are at least a bit more neutral towards him whereas Piper has vocalised a few times now about how she thinks I should just drop him already.

'Look, Willow. You already know what I think and Asha agrees too. I really don't think he's telling you the full truth about having been so zoned out that night that he can't even remember what happened.' Piper advises, watching me closely as I just sigh and look down at my lap.

This too, is the thing out of everything that I just can't get my head around. I had been 100% expecting him to remember what had happened, like I had no doubt in my mind that it was going to be extremely awkward when we encountered each other after purely due to the fact we had nearly kissed. It's why I had been so gobsmacked the next day when he said he couldn't remember a thing.

And I did kind of believe him, I still partially do. His reaction had been too sincere for me not to. And even regarding these past few days, he has just seemed so like himself, so comfortable as if nothing had ever happened. There's no way he could fake being that normal with the knowledge of what had nearly occurred between us in the back of his head, could he?

At the same time, I'm still sceptical though. He's adamant that he had drunk so much throughout the night that by the end of it, everything had become a blur. And I do understand that, I don't doubt for one second that he hadn't gotten totally shit faced like he's claiming. Especially when one of my friends had texted on the weekend, mentioning she had seen him stumbling out of Jasper's place at around 4am.

I would totally believe him if he hadn't been so sober in my company that evening. Well, guaranteed, he wasn't exactly sober, more like a little tipsy. But he definitely wasn't drunk enough to not know what he was doing, to not have a chance of remembering what had happened the next day.

If I'm being frank, the whole thing has just been doing my head in. A part of me really cannot be asked to think about it a second longer whereas another part still just really wants to find out the truth so I can be done with it all.

'Yeah, I agree, I don't believe him when he says the whole night is just a blur. I remember I saw him myself a couple times throughout it too and it was only right at the very end that he seemed to get really drunk, just like everyone else who was still there at that point.' Asha joins in. 'Although maybe there is just something we're not seeing... But then again, it is weird. Like I could understand why he might have pretended to have forgotten if lets say you had rejected him on the spot. That would make sense, right, he'd lie to like make himself feel better or boost his ego or whatever. What I don't understand is why if it was clear that both of you were ready to share a kiss on Friday, why he would then proceed to chicken out at the last second and then act like it never happened the day after?'