You make me warm

20- when reality hits

Olivia POV
The bell rang, and I stood up from my seat and walked out my class, heading towards the common room, where I was meant to be meeting Eliza and Izzy. I walked in with Power, and looked around until we caught eyes. I walked over and sat down,

'You have to listen to everything I'm about to say' I begin, and they just nod, without saying a word.

'Something bad happened, and I cannot tell you what it is, I refuse to, it's not my place to say, it's kacies. But anyway, that happened, and I tried my best to comfort her, but she broke up with me, and told me it was for my own good, and that it wasn't because she didn't love me anymore, and that it was because she loved me. And then she left my house after breaking up with me, and I never saw her again. That was at the end of June. During the incident, that I won't tell you, she threw her phone against the wall in anger, so that's why she hasn't returned any of your calls or messages. I don't even know if she has a new phone, I haven't seen her or had any contact with her since that day. She is safe though.' I say, and i wanted to burst into tears right on the spot, but I had to hold my image up, I had already managed to stay emotionless whilst saying all of that.

I can see tears coming from Izzy's eyes,
'I'm sorry olivia' she says, 'it's fine' I reply coldly.
Eliza looks at me with worry,
'And how do you know she's safe' she asks.

'Because, a police officer turned up at my house a few hours after she left mine, and told me that she was safe, and she was moving away for a while. Kace ordered the officer to not tell me or anyone else where she was going, but that she was staying with some family up the country.' I say, and I can feel my lip quiver from holding in my physical emotions.

'Thank you Olivia, for clearing this up. I don't know how we're going to fix this, but I'm just praying she comes back some day' Eliza says, I look at her for a few seconds before mumbling 'me too' under my breath, but I think they heard and faintly smiled at me as they stood up and left.

Every day, i went to school, praying she'd show up, but she never did.
The days we're getting repetitive, weeks we're passing and passing, and the seasonal depression had hit. Since kacie left, I didn't go a day without my anti depressants, the doctors even upped the doses of them for fucks sake. I had now been through 6 boxes of anxiety meds, but it was the only way I could survive through the day without fainting or having a panic attack.

The rain and coldness made me even more miserable. But I didn't show it, I hardly even showed it to my best friends anymore, figuring they're probably getting sick of me being sad all the time, even though in reality they didn't mind looking after me at all. I went back to old Olivia, not showing any emotions, I sort of liked it. I liked people being afraid of me, and thinking I was cold, it was nice. I was only soft for kacie, and she wasn't here, so I stayed stone cold.

As the days passed, I grew more and more angry at the whole situation, and began drinking a lot more. It took the pain away for a few hours, but as soon as I was sober I was miserable.
The drink took the mental pain away, and I loved it for that, my parents don't know, but since kacie left, I've probably been through atleast a litre of vodka a week, which sounds like a lot, and it is, but in reality it isn't, my tolerance is increasing, which is a good and bad thing, but I was abusing it. Some days I even took vodka in a water bottle to school, just to feel somewhat okay. My friends didn't know, they were worried when I would sometimes throw up in the toilets, but I just told them I had eaten something funny.

But the truth was, I don't even remember the last time I ate a proper meal, my parents don't force me to eat dinner with them, and I cannot eat in the day time, because I feel so sick. And so alcohol was commonly the only thing in my stomach. I had lost so much weight, and was starting to look ill. My face was turning paler and paler from a lack of nutrients, when I looked at myself in the mirror I felt sick. I looked terrible, my hair was thinning and it just made me cry. But no one saw that, I covered my body in fake tan to give me some colour, and wrapped up, to make me look a bit healthier, and people didn't question it as it was winter.