Long Time, No See - Levi x Reader (Modern!AU)

33 - On a Wintry Night

Three Years Later:

"There's no way," Eld said incredulously, shaking his head with disbelief as a wide smile spread across his lips. "I've known you for years and you've always been a coward when it comes to women. You're famously bad at talking to girls. And yet you expect me to believe you got a set of twins in bed with you?"

"Unless you paid them," Olou said, looking over at our dark-haired friend who was growing increasingly more frustrated with each passing moment, especially with the teasing remarks being tossed around at his expense and all the doubtful eyes aimed his way. "I can't see that happening, ever."

"Oh, yeah," Petra chimed in with a sly smile of her own. On her usually happy, sweet face, it looked horribly out of place. But even if it did nothing else, it allowed Gunther to breathe a sigh of relief now that the focus was off him, if only for a moment. "And you're a real Casanova, Olou."

I couldn't help but laugh and play along. "He's a playboy, you know that? Girls at school were all over him, don't you remember?"

Olou rolled his eyes, making Petra laugh some more. For my part, I managed to stifle my laughter, knowing that if anyone was to laugh at him, Olou would far prefer for it to be Petra, not me. As such, his annoyed look softened slightly when Petra spoke once more, knowing that at least for a moment, she was paying attention to him.

"Lady-killer," she said in a teasing, sing-song sort of way.

"Fine, I'm no Casanova," Olou relented. "But come on, compared to him?" Olou said, pointing at Gunther who was, once more, clearly offended.

"At least I haven't been stuck on the same girl for years now while making absolutely zero progress," Gunther said, finally defending himself. He then took a long swig of his drink, ignoring the glare Olou was sending him all the while. "And anyway, I never said they got in bed with me. I just said we had a lot of fun in that club's bathroom."

"Ew," I muttered, grimacing. Even Levi seemed disgusted, of course, by the thought of doing anything like that in a club bathroom. Hell, he was probably disgusted by the thought of a club bathroom by itself, without the dirty deeds even included. And I had to agree.

I didn't care what kind of high-end joint you went to, all the clubs I'd ever been in had absolutely deplorable, disgusting bathrooms that smelled of puke and old perfume and sweat, with scratched mirrors and graffitied stalls and cracked toilet seats.

At least small bars had nice bathrooms, because the owners actually cared about the quality of them. A club popular with horny college students, most with fake IDs and bouncers who didn't care and owners who were only in it for the money... yeah, there wasn't a chance I'd ever get down and dirty in one of them. Not if I didn't want to leave with several new diseases in my body and the sweat and likely other bodily fluids of a million other women clinging to my skin.

"You know what," Hange piped up, "I actually did a study of the bacteria that can be found in club bathrooms as part of a biology course. I went to five different nightclubs across the city I went to school in, right, and took samples from the walls, the floors, even the little kiosk where women can buy tampons and-"

"Get to the point," Gunther said.

"Or, we can just drop it," Petra said. "Do we really need to hear about the shit you can find there? We know they're disgusting. You'd be crazy to do anything in one of those."

"Funny you say that," Hange said with a grin, "because there were actually trace amounts of human feces on the walls, if you can believe it, among other things, and by other thins of course I mean-"