Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

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OCD or as some like to call it, the neat disorder, having to have everything clean and everything in order. Although for some who suffer from OCD, it can be that they fear dirt, or needing things in order, even then the disorder is much more. With OCD a person can have obsessions and/or compulsions. Obsessions can be different for every person, for example, one could fear losing control one day hurting themself or others. With compulsions, the person might have to check to make sure the stove is of numerous numbers of times before leaving the house.

My truth:
As I have mentioned before I have OCD, I have been diagnosed since the age of 9, but started showing signs at the age of 5. My journey with OCD has been a very long confusing road. Most times in my life being recorded back to how my mental health was at that time. When I was younger, I was terrified of fire,  scared one day my house would go up in flames, I'd like to blame my kindergarten teacher for that fear, that's a whole other story.  Every night before bed I would start my routine, making sure my bag of things was beside my bed. I can remember one night my father came to kiss me goodnight, this night I was sure would finally be the night the house would go up in flames, he took the bag from my hand and held me till I fell asleep.  As I got older things only got worse from there, I feared the outside world, believing if I went outside I would die, someone would try to kill me. The fear of dying changing overnight, I become convinced someday I would lose it all, harming others or myself. And I did, I started to harm myself, it becomes my obsession, everywhere I went I needed something in which I could harm with. Even if I didn't harm, I needed the choice. Over time that too changed soon, it all became intrusive thoughts.  Having these thoughts from the moment I woke up, till the moment I went to sleep. In our lifetime we will all struggle with intrusive thoughts, but these ones are magnified, soon becoming stuck thoughts.  My journey is never-ending, changing all the time.

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