twelve.

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I watched a lot of girly movies growing up

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I watched a lot of girly movies growing up. Correction; I lived vicariously through a lot of girly movies growing up. I didn't have a lot of friends in the real world. I'd like to believe it was because I moved from foster home to foster home, but even when I settled in a group home, I didn't find it easy to make connections with people. In all honesty, thinking back now, I probably could have made it a little easier on myself by not being such a.... well, a bitch. I was angry at the world, and it showed, which didn't help me on the friend front. 

I had a boyfriend once when I was fourteen, and it was then I experienced my first real kiss. I should have known at that moment that life wasn't like the movies. The kiss didn't make my heart skip a beat, my foot didn't pop, and it didn't make me swoon. The only way I can describe it is by comparing it to a laundry machine. So I shouldn't have been surprised when slumber parties with your friends didn't include makeovers, pillow fights, and gossip. In fact, the sleepover was quite pleasant. We stayed up half the night talking about the troubles in our lives, not the doppelganger sacrificial kind of trouble, but the normal kind like boys, parents, and school. All things I have yet to have trouble with, but I smiled and nodded along anyway. I could get used to this whole having friends thing. Even Bonnie started to get more comfortable around me, which seemed to make Elena happy. For the first time in a very long time, I can honestly say I'm comfortable. I don't feel on edge every minute of every day, even though I probably should, considering the circumstances, and I don't feel as though I don't belong. Elena is really trying to make me feel at home in mystic falls, and I appreciate her for it, but a little part of me feels as though this is all too good to be true. Yes, I like that I'm making friends and I love the fact I have someone I can call my family, but I've been alone for so long that a part of me wants to push them away so that I can make sure I have nothing to lose. No weaknesses as Marcel would say. 

Another thing portrayed badly in movies: vampires. In Twilight, they claim that vampire's don't sleep. Well, thank god, that's not reality. I have always felt a serenity when sleeping. I love laying my head on a pillow. I love to dream because it is an escape from reality. You can be anyone when you dream. You can speak to anyone when you sleep.  You can close your eyes and forget for a while. Forget about the troubles you may have in your life. Forget about the horrors. The possibilities are endless, and that makes me feel at peace. Sleep is a kind of heaven for me. So you can imagine how pissed I am when someone wakes me up, and Elena's ringing mobile phone did just that. Whoever Is on the other end of that phone must have a death wish. 

The ringing is piercing my ears, and I can hear the girls on the bed above me grumble and move around. My back is stiff from taking up camp on Caroline's bedroom floor, but I want nothing more than to close my eyes and drift off again. "Go away," Caroline grumbles, and the next thing I know, a half-asleep Elena falls from the bed right on top of me. 

"Elena!" I shriek, pushing her off.

"Sorry." She yawns as if she didn't nearly break my ribs. Then, she reaches over and picks up her phone, "Hello?" 

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⏰ Last updated: Jun 25, 2021 ⏰

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