Squidward Is a F*ucking Mindreader

24. Dreaming nightmares and learning Letters

*Becca's POV*

I was so hungry so I was super glad to go into the cafe and actually eat. I ordered a burger and a cream soda because they are just so yum. Daniel was visibly uneasy but I brushed it off. He'll be fine for a bit. I'll end up having to explain the whole situation to him but I'm not ready. 

I'm not ready to break down my walls for him.

My past, Robert, were secrets I intended to take to my grave. And now he's shown up that can't be achieved but I at least want to hold onto them for a bit.

I focused on the delectable palate of tastes that this burger had. Soft, light, fluffy mayonnaise, a juicy succulent beef burger, soft bread with flavour filled sesame seeds. A large piece of sweet juicy lettuce, and dry and yet wet tomato. Not too soggy, but not dry and nasty. Delicious.

I could feel Daniel's eyes piercing my skin like tiny daggers.

Daggers. Pierced skin. Blo-

"I need a moment, I'll be outside." I said, standing up suddenly and pushing my chair back with my legs. I needed air. I needed to get out. 

"Becca-" I ran out before Daniel could finish what he was saying. I needed a break.

"Rebecca!" Called out Ms.Fletcher. I stopped in my tracks, wiping my tears. "Since when were you so emotional? This isn't you. You are calm and collected and strong in even the toughest situation. Rebecca -Becca- You aren't this person. So buck it up, wipe your face and stop feeling. Because all these emotions are going to run you over. I have watched you grow up, and Becca, you never once faltered. Even when things were going south and you wanted out. You were tough enough to keep going. And you will keep going. And keep going, and keep going. Because you have to. And because you are strong and weak. Smart and Stupid. It's hard. Being a woman in today's society. Everyone wants to walk all over you because they think they can. But they can't because you're bigger than them. So Rebecca, go out and prove it. You are strong enough."

And strangely enough, it was the final four words that got me to turn around, rush towards Ms. Fletcher and shake her, warmly, by the hand. Because she was right. I was getting crushed under the weight of all the sudden emotions. I don't need to feel everything all at once. And I don't need to bend to anybody other than myself.

Ms Fletcher walked back inside and I stood in the empty carpark, save Ms. Fletcher's car in the corner. I looked up and the sky.

"I AM NOT ABOUT TO BEND AND BREAK. YOU WILL NOT BREAK ME!" I screamed at the clear skies.

I will not be broken.

I swear.

Daniel was silent on the way back to school. I looked out the window. Daniel had gone back to the front of the car and I was next to Josh in the back. Josh was telling this story about how in his reception class the toilets were inside the classroom and the doors were low so you could see inside if you were a regular sized person. Everyone else was quiet. I think soon Josh realised no one was for it and he too went silent.

When we got back to school, Ii rushed into my cottage, into my room and slammed the door. I heard Daniel weakly call out before I drifted off into a nightmarish sleep.

"DANIEL!!" I screamed out. Nothing. He was staring right at me. But it was like he was seeing through me. He stepped forward, his black suit creasing from the movement, and I reached out to hold his face. He was so warm. Warm. "OUCH!" I retracted my hand. Daniel's warmth had burnt my hand. He still was non-responsive. Then he stepped even closer and then through me. 

His face, frozen in horror, still fresh in my mind, I spun around and saw the sight he was so horror stricken to see. I was lying there, covered in thick red blood. Dressed in a White hoodie, Robert stood over me, knife in hand, dripping blood onto the suddenly white backdrop. It was like floodlights had been turned on. The previously black background was now a blinding white. Daniel's perfect black suit now white and my perfect white dress stained in blood.

I bolted up and blinked at the sudden light. The nightmare was still fresh in my mind. The final moments of it pierced into my brain for seemingly all eternity.

 I rushed forward, through Daniel, and knelt down beside my body. A large hole in my abdomen indicated where Robert had plunged his knife in. 

It was the final line he had needed that day. His parents had arrived home so he couldn't finish his masterpiece. He had told them a robber had broken in and I refused to give him anything. Robert told them I'd gotten myself stabbed. I was rushed to hospital, and days after I was discharged, Robert's family gave me back to social care and I never saw them again. But I will never forget the look on Robert's face as he carved the curve into my stomach.

"Now everyone will know you belong to me. Forever."

He smiled at me. He could see me. I looked into my own eyes and saw a glimmer of life. The most desperate look passed through my eyes. I needed help. Robert placed his foot on my neck, and I could do nothing. I lay there, lifeless, waiting for it to stop. My eyes suddenly lost all life. I was gone. And I wasn't getting up again.

The dream and it's events were so clear in my mind. I could remember every moment of it. I was scared. Because in that dream Robert finished his carving on my stomach. And As much as I hated to admit it, it was something I thought about often. Would he come back and plunge his knife back into my abdomen, finishing the single image he felt he ought to brand me with.

The one thing I could never remove.

The wound that dug deeper than the visual level, even when it was fresh.

I was permanently branded with the letter R.

R for Robert.