The Titan Slayer

Chapter 15

Anais sat on the ground of the training grounds with a miniature, false smile plastered to her stiff features, hugging her knees. Anais stared at nothing in particular, and her mind kept betraying her by reliving the previous catastrophe, sending involuntary shivers through her body. In all honesty, when she was on the battlefield with all the adrenaline, she didn't feel nearly as horror-struck as she did now.

With the reality of the situation crashing down on her like an avalanche, she felt literally crushed. Death was all Anais could think about. The death of her friends, the death of the soldiers, the death of the innocent citizens, the death of the Titans. Although she felt little sympathy for the latter.

So many people had died today, so brutally, in such a short period of time. Anais lowered her head into her crossed arms, her strained smile dissolving, and tears fought to fall. She had held it in for so long. Assuredly, despite how insufficient of a person she was, she deserved to cry now?

No. No. Suck it up. In and out. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale.

To say Anais was frustrated and angry was an understatement. Her chest felt like it had a mad, taloned creature on it trying to tear her open inside out. Guilt, perhaps? Anais was disappointed in herself that she couldn't do anything to help. Don't get her wrong, though, Anais's despair didn't come from her undying love for the government or human beings. Anais merely didn't like knowing she was worthless. Sure, she thought about it a lot recently. With her inadequate size and feeble presence, Anais could easily pass by people unnoticed. And she'd spent a good part of her life manipulating those two traits to her advantage to survive. But that didn't mean she appreciated having the facts shoved into her face.

Suck it up.

Too late. The tears flowed freely now. Those attributes were never flaws until Anais escaped the Underground. In the Underground, being slight, fast, and quiet was everything everyone hoped for. Stealing and trickery were always the way. But up here? Despite her scores as a soldier, people didn't need a scurrying mouse. The humans needed headstrong bulls that could kill effortlessly.

Anais tried to take another deep breath, but it came out as a full-bodied shudder when she exhaled. A strangled cry escaped her lips. Three sacrifices; fifteen percent. How pathetic she'd been. By her second Titan, her body was already prepared to throw its hands up and give up. Her total kill had been an insignificant five. She didn't even want to know how many the others had killed. Anais choked on her voice, holding back a hysterical laugh. Here she was, crying out of self-pity.

Kellan scowled as he glanced down at the svelte girl crouched down beside him, her gracile figure quaking as she let out muffled sniffs and gasps. Anais let out a soft but distraught sob.

Kellan's frown deepened. Anais was crying. That wasn't something you saw every day. But why? His heart clenched a little at the sight because Anais never cried. So what was wrong? Kellan knelt next to her, clueless of what he had to do, so he gently put his hand on her hunched back. She whimpered a little at his touch but didn't make any movements for Kellan to stop. He'd never seen her this vulnerable, not even on the day they first met Levi.

Kellan was so confused. He didn't understand her. Anais didn't cry when the news first broke out, she didn't cry when the messenger all but belittled and strangled her, and she didn't cry when she gathered the top twenty. Anais didn't cry at the sight of death, she didn't cry when she saw her first Titan, she didn't cry when she watched soldiers die, she didn't cry when she almost couldn't save Davina, and she didn't cry when she heard the news about dead comrades. In fact, Anais had kept her usual self. Smiling when people needed it, comforting people, and Anais had assisted so many kills. Anais may not have been the main character of today's episode, but she was definitely one of the pillars that held the twenty cadets together.