note. yes! another hundred! thank you for 900 readers. another hundred and we'll be hitting milestone! i might prepare for it though, but thank you so much. it's something i never expected so :) have a great day <3
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Howls filled the room, tolerating the discomfort from the news that they heard from the doctors. Some were trying their best, holding back their tears yet failing to do so. Tears raced down their faces, forming enormous teardrops as they were stunned by the emptiness.
Xiao had gazed at the lifeless body, lying on the mattress, sleeping peacefully yet out of pulse. As an Adeptus like him, he shouldn't feel any human emotions. Xiao didn't know if it was a curse or not. But when (y/n) came into his life, his world began to change upside down as he felt the ridiculous utterance, wanting to get to know more about you. Days without your presence felt like a void. Xiao enjoyed you to keep chattering and ranting about how your days went. If you were gone for not having enough time to visit the Adeptus—drove crazy already—how much more when you're now dead as he won't be able to talk to you? To listen to you?
Archons knew how much karma he went through after the Archon War. Coming into his life, you brought pleasure and light from his dark world, not wanting to let you go. Xiao didn't know if what he did was wrong, giving him unbearable misery.
He glanced at the people who were facing the dead body, bursting into tears with intractable sobs. Hu Tao always had a smile on her face. Her talkative smile was always on her lips—and now, every sentiment she showed vanished today as if they were facades.
The three Qixing were here. Ver Goldet was one of Ningguang's people, and as Ver went to the Jade Chamber to report some information, she always brought you with her (because no one would be able to take care of you), knowing her husband was busy with the Inn when she was not around. And in this way, you met Ganyu and Keqing as the three of you created a stronger bond.
Ningguang treated you she considered as her child. She treated you and spoiled you with the things you desired until you grew up rejecting her offers respectfully. Keqing and Ganyu, on the other hand, were glad to help you when need to. You tended to decline them, yet they insisted on leaving you with no option.
You never knew that you made a massive impact on these people. When the funeral reached its end, the people left with dull faces, leaving Xiao behind.
His bitter amber slit orbs stared at the tombstone with your name carved on it. He forced himself to swallow the lump in his dry throat, preventing his tears to escape from his eyes. Xiao wanted to pour his anger on you for keeping everything hidden, but although that was what he wanted, he couldn't do it. He loved you too much to be furious at you. Xiao wanted to be angry at himself for not taking care of you or being an impressive observant that Xiao could notice when you felt uncomfortable or weak. He should've taken care of you. He hated it when he was insensitive and pushed you away when your only desire was to be there for him.
Without witnessing, he felt tears slowly crawling down his cheeks. His mouth was shut, not breaking his stare towards the stone, abiding the pain of sorrow once more. He believed that you coming into his life was something undeserving (at first), yet it seemed that fate made him (really) feel that way. Perhaps, he didn't deserve to feel a slight amount of happiness or comfort. He did nothing but blame it on himself and fate, who let your paths cross.
Nevertheless, at the same time, he's thankful for you. Thankful that you brought sunshine into his dark world, feeling easiness and deserving the living. His reasons why he kept appearing on the balcony of Wangshu Inn, waiting for your calls, or discovering purpose in his beings (although karma has been plaguing him ever since the battle) made it more comfortable to resume his days.
But how could he continue his days with the things he's thankful for when you're no longer beside him?
Remind him: why was he involved in the life of mortals again?
He finally stranded the location and went someplace that would vacate his thoughts, somehow. Giving him a serene ambiance was something he needed for now, hoping that everything would be back to normal.
It didn't work out for him.
Every place he went to was driving him to mourn more. Every place was filled with your remembrances and presence. He didn't know that without you, you would make an impact on this routine. He liked to shrug it off. Archons knew how apathetic the Adeptus was, but the comments seemed evaporated when he eventually admitted that you made a critical role to him—that he's drawn into you.
Xiao closed his eyes as darkness occupied his sight. Never in his life had a desire to sleep, for Adepti didn't require slumber. Yet, he attempted to shut his eyes and sense the phrases why sleeping is an amusement hobby of yours. Although it sounded lazy, it was something that would preserve you away from reality—for a while (and if you have concerns). It's your way to make yourself tranquil (momentarily) and refrain from crying or from the thoughts clouding deadly inside your mind. Perhaps, your trick would help him too.
His heart skipped a beat when he heard your voice. It was an unusual feeling, yet he chose to ignore it. Hah, there you are, heading towards him with a tremendous curve on your lips. He sternly looked at you, yet it didn't change your mood. Perhaps you were used to it already. If you conceivably witnessed him welcome you with an amiable smile, maybe that wouldn't be normal (for you).
"Xiao, would you mind bringing me to Qingyun Peak?" You politely asked, not leaving the smile on your lips. Do you ever experience hardships in your life? He mused.
He didn't respond, simply neglecting you. A sigh escaped from your lips, but you never stopped. Xiao adored you for this: you were the person who would easily give up. Maybe that was why he got so attracted and attached to you.
"Please?" You pleaded, pouting your lips and trying to make your eyes merge into cute puppy eyes (Xiao described it).
He blinked his eye away, preserving the ominous stare in his eyes. Nevertheless, he gradually bobbed, expecting you will stop bugging him furthermore.
Unintentionally, you squealed as you appreciated his approval. He didn't take long to bring you to the peak because you simply didn't argue with him to hasten up. How could you hold back your excitement to watch the sun dusk unhurriedly while sitting beside the Statute of the Seven?
You always adored the sunset. It was the definition of your peace. Everything in the sky was beautiful. With the gradient of blue and orange merging a beautiful magenta in between. The sunlight glistened luminescent, making you cover your eyes with your palm. And the sun's rays grazed your skin, which wasn't too hot that would irritate you and damage your skin. The birds that were flying through the breeze fanned their wings along with their comrades. Everything felt soothing, and it helped you relish life more when difficulties were occurring in your life.
"Call my name when you need me," Xiao disturbed the ambiance, turning his body around before completely disappearing.
"Wait," He paused, hesitated to glance at you over his shoulders, "If you don't mind, would you stay—just for a while?"
He acceded to her request without any further explanations or questions. Xiao intended to sit beside you, yet leaving you a certain amount of space in between. No one bothered talking as the ambiance rested with a cozy stillness. The sun was setting, and soon as it dipped beneath the horizon. The current never stopped blowing, gracefully swaying your hair sideways.
You carefully pushed yourself towards him, leisurely sealing the space. Xiao noticed it but didn't bother moving. For some reason, he felt he was glued to the position. Does he want to close the gap between you? Probably yes. He wanted this.
With a final sharp exhale, you laid your head on his shoulder. Xiao was flustered at your sudden movement, and when he was about to complain, he heard your sobs and your breath shaking—making the Adeptus staggered. He didn't know why he suddenly discerned the ambiance from the peaceful and quiet one, swiftly changing into misery and tears.
"I'm sorry," your breath was trembling, causing it challenging to resume uttering without stammering. "I wish I'd told you sooner."
His uncomfortable lump was swallowed in his dry throat, wondering why did he feel emotional all of the sudden? As if he knew what you meant or understood your feelings? A tear fell from his cheek, oddly interrogating himself: how did he suddenly feel mortal emotions? He couldn't comprehend the situation and what was happening, but he knew nothing was a good happening. He knew that something was wrong.
"Please understand me," Xiao didn't bother talking. He had no idea what you were saying, yet he peculiarly sensed (another) tears continue racing down as they dropped a big teardrop underneath his chin. "I sincerely apologize,"
He opened his eyes with his eyes clouded and wet. An unfortunate nightmare happened after he slept for a few, and it was you in it. Xiao didn't know how he unexpectedly cried, but he truly believed that he was deeply attached to you. The Adeptus started to miss you, and albeit it had only been hours after the funeral, he found it tough to cope. Yet here we were... He got ravaged to torment (again).
"I'm sorry. I wish I'd told you sooner."
You're supposed to be sorry, he thought. How did you manage to hide it and tell your parents to keep it a secret? Why did you have to hide it and act like you're okay? Since the beginning of your childhood, you had a rare disease. If he knew it sooner, you were still here close to him. If he knew it sooner, he'll be able to listen to your cheerful noises. If he knew it sooner, you're still here... Alive and smiling.
"O Archons, what have I done that deserves this so much pain?" He quizzed. Tears began to shape in his eyes, "Wasn't this too much?"
Hemophilia. That was the illness you had when you were still young. Ver Goldet, your mother, explained that they attended the report when you frequently drop sharp objects such as scissors. And even though you're carefully cropping your preferred playable papers, you tend to experience blood.
You lack sufficient blood-clotting proteins, causing you to experience pain and blood when you're young. And as you grew older, the pain was prolonged and tolerable than you supposed—leaving you emotionless while staring at the blood that was dribbling from your skin.
Doctors managed to give you treatment, and it helped you from living longer and enjoy your childhood. However, when you turned youth, you heard from the doctors that the treatment no longer affects your disorder. You only had the remaining days to live.
And that's the time you met him. When you were drowned in tears, you met the Adeptus on the Inn's balcony and began to get to know more about him. His words didn't affect you, and you would do anything to be with him. You called out his name just for your unnecessary thoughts, and he awaited your leave, did not bother showing up—yet you continued waiting for him and ranted about how your day went. You then become attached to the Yaksha/
Yet you did not bother informing him. Spending your last days with the Adeptus was certainly enough for you, and you could pass away peacefully. As long as he could talk—although he barely formed a sentence—words from him were enough to make your day.
"You're always a fool," Xiao snapped himself by commenting from his thoughts, with the tears lingering on his cheeks. "Selfish."
But either you're one of them, he always wanted you to be one. Your delightful energy that affected his day, talkative remarks, and unstoppable noises from your mouth—everything about you made him like you more. He hated that he was in denial about everything he felt because he didn't manage to say a word about his feelings toward you.
His eyes shifted to the stars, twinkling brightly as the pale moon stared at him. His breath was shaking, remembering your words about the stars and the moon.
"Xiao," You called him out. He could still remember how you brightly smiled while talking to him. "If I die, always remember that I'll be watching you, and I'll be one of those stars."
A bitter scoff escaped from him as your voice echoed his thoughts.
"And if you found the brightest stars among those, that will be me!" You exclaimed happily, flickering your (e/c) orbs to the quiet Yaksha, who listened to you.
Xiao stared at the midnight skies, accidentally finding the brightest twinkling star blazing dazzlingly with the other stars. He blinked as he let out a slight grin on his lips.
"Brightest star, huh?" He whispered as his eyes lingered on the star that continually radiated brightly. If your words were true, he must continue watching you shine bright.
And now, it's been years, hoping he awaits your return. Every night, the Adeptus will watch the stars and find the brightest one. He tends to find one every night, pressing a melancholy smile on his lips.
This time, the star he found is brighter than usual. For some reason, he feels that you are watching him right now. He shuts his eyes, smiling painfully yet grateful for your existence.
"I miss you,"
Howls filled the room, tolerating the discomfort from the news that they heard from the doctors. Some were trying their best, holding back their tears yet failing to do so. Tears raced down their faces, forming enormous teardrops as they were stunned by the emptiness.
