THE WIDOWER.

CHAPTER 33

CJ scribbled notes on his notepad. He sat silently thinking about so many things especially what he saw in the hospital. He saw what would have been his family but pushed away those ugly thoughts especially after his confrontation with his mother in law.
The night was still long and he had quite a day. He opened his office drawer and opened Shona's diary and went on reading. He was curious and he wanted to know the truth. He carried because he could not resist the temptation to read about Shona's thoughts which she choose to keep privy.
"Today was the best day of my life. He asked me out. I was overly excited as I narrated my ordeal to my friend, Phoebe. She too was excited as Reth was the hottest guy in campus and him asking me out was a jack pot.
We talked about different things about family and politics . I say this out most admiration he is super intelligent. He works with a non governmental organization part time due to his father's influence. He loves children just as I do. He has two sisters and a younger brother. Between his two names I love Malik the most.
Well he told me that he has been in several relationships and they didn't work as for me this is my first one I wanted.
At the end of the date we walked around campus and I felt on top of the clouds.
I think we should do this again, no! I would love to do this again.
CJ scoffed at Shona's explanation of her first love. He went on reading about adventures and escapades they had together and how defiant she was when her mother stood against their relationship.
"I don't think mother understands me or my wants and desires. I have been the obedient daughter whatever they decided I did without questions. My father's political career is at pick and my mother is saying it wouldn't be good for a public image if I keep waltzing with Malik.
She said he was trouble but that will not stop me. If I have to ran away with him that means I will not see my little brother and my father will hunt me down and maybe kill Malik.
I love Malik why can't they get that?
CJ almost felt a twinge of jealousy wondering if Shona loved him as she loved Malik. He went on reading of how she was always guarded at home and at the university but Phoebe made sure they met secretly by planning fake sleep overs. Malik came from a wealthy family his father being Arabic and his mother from Kenya had gone through the same issues about getting married and their parents were against them. He was born out of wedlock but Malik's father left him behind after so many threats from his parents. He grew up here but Malik would go visit his father from time to time.
CJ went on reading.
"It has been six months since Malik and I started dating but not once have we thought of having sex all because I was not ready. I am still a virgin but tonight I don't think I will be so innocent anymore.
CJ almost tore the paper he turned to see that she had taken like months to write again.
The next entry was a distressed Shona.
"It's been months since I wrote something down. Malik and I have been having some problems. We had sex but it was not like I thought it would be. It was an excruciating process and I thought I would die. We got used to just that and Phoebe advised I should be on pills to avoid unwanted pregnancy. All we have ever do is make out, we stopped talking like before and my heart is breaking. I love Malik so much and I don't want to lose him. Mother thinks I need a vacation but all I need is Malik and I to be friends again
I hate all of this.
CJ felt her distress.
"Today is the worst day of my life. I found out that Malik has been going out with another girl and he never bothered to call me or ask me if I wanted to hang out with him. According to my sources they seemed cosy.
Later my mother broke news of Jamie's leukemia. My baby brother is sick. Malik is not here to comfort me.
CJ paused and thought of the many times Shona talked of her brother, seldom and in bits.
"I broke up with him. I need to focus on my brother right now. I have few months left until I graduate.
CJ turned the other page.
"I feel numb. Tired and heartbroken. He called to apologize but I told him off. Jamie is getting worse. I can't take it anymo.."
CJ traced something that looked like tear drops as ink had spread on that part of the paper.
"It has been six months I have graduated and I don't think I could celebrate when Jamie is in the hospital. I couldn't bring my self to think of a celebration not when someone who mattered most was sick.
Malik showered up at my door steps with flowers if it was another time it would seem romantic.
He apologized and told me he still loved me very much and he knows he messed up especially after sleeping with the same girl I had heard about. I forgave him and I took him back. I am grieving and I needed comfort and he gave it to me. He broke news of his departure to go be with his dad in Saudi Arabia. I was so hurt.
He promised to call and visit and tell his family about me.
I was happy but I knew there is going to be a tug of war."
CJ was now anxious because the journal ended there. He knew he had to find her second one.
He wanted to know why Malik and Shona never got married.
He typed on his facebook to find Shona's friends and find Malik's profile.
He found it and went on to scroll.
He looked professional and a CEO of a big real estate company.
He looked at his photos. He saw where he had taken with a few  politicians and some CEO's . He saw his photo with a young boy around the age of ten on a swing. He zoomed the picture to see a certain resemblance.
"No! It can't be" CJ almost screamed and he decide to look for Malik and have his answers or better yet find the second journal.
He had met Shona two years before she died. He dated and married her within a year. They got married and after three months they found out she was pregnant.
CJ was certain she did not cheat on him or did she?
He scrolled to look for his office numbers and call and book an appointment.
He was not sure if he wanted to find out the truth anymore.
He was tempted to look for a drink or better yet find a dose of morphine.
He walked through the hospital down the hallway to the pharmacy. He saw them in the cabinet but turned away so fast and ducked in an empty room full of tables and boxes and unwrapped medical equipments. He squatted and asked God for help. He ran his hand through his hair as the pain sank in.
He removed his phone and called the one human being he could talk to.
The phone rang before she answered, "hey CJ what's up?" Nora answered the phone groggily.
"Can you come and meet at the hospital. I need someone to talk to." He almost begged.
"Are you okay?" She asked as her sheets rustled.
"No! I don't think so." He whispered.
"Okay. I am coming." She promised.
"Thank you." He said as he hung up and went to wait for her.

**************
An hour later Nora walked through the hospital doors carrying a bag.
She searched for CJ until she saw him coming through the lobby.
CJ was relieved to see her come. He led her away from the area to his office. There was a leather couch on the far end.
As soon as he closed the door,he hugged her so tight. He relished how much she meant to him.
Nora let him compose himself.
"Hey I am glad you came." CJ said with a tiny smile.
"I love driving at night. I couldn't resist the temptation." She tried to cheer him up. It worked.
"I brought coffee and some biscuits and cookies." She offered as CJ led her to the couch.
They sat as CJ put away the bag. He held her hand and stared down.
"What happened?" She queried .
"I found out that my wife did not want to be married after our wedding. She wanted out." He started.
"Nancie told me she would be sad and miserable for days but when she was around me she seemed happy to me. Before she passed away we argued a lot about her decision to go to southern Sudan for an NGO job. I felt that she needed to stay and take care of our daughter who was on her way." He swallowed.
Nora patted his arm.
"She told me of her already made up mind and I was devastated but I wanted her to be happy. I agreed but she passed away before everything. I loved her Nora. I loved her deeply. Her loss was bad Nora. I had lost three people I loved most. After their death I was a train wreck and left for the US and even when I got there I become worse. I mourned my wife,my unborn child and my dearest father for so long that I sank into a clinic depression.
I got fired for misbehaving and under performance.
I became a drug addict and a drunk so I was fired and my uncle gave me an ultimatum to clean up or leave for Kenya. I tried to commit suicide severally but it never worked. I relapsed after going to a rehabilitation center and I hit the road mark. I was at a point of no return and that day I decided to end it. I stood on the highway and threw myself in front of passing cars. It happened so fast there was a blinding light and honk from a truck. I was hit by a car and I fell on the ground waiting for the worst to happen but it never came only for the man driving the car came out to check if I was alright. I waited for pain and my heart to stop but it never happened." CJ paused to watch Nora's reaction. She was calmly listening to him.
"I looked only to see the man lifting me up. He was gentle and asked if I was okay. He insisted that he should take me to the hospital to be checked but I refused and he sat with me in his car. He asked if I wanted someone to talk to. I was still frozen to the idea I was still alive and not hurt. He gave me his number and drove me home.
That was the beginning of a healing journey. I gave my life to Jesus three months later and I never looked back. I went back and did my masters and my uncle supported me all the way through as I worked and studied. God saved me that night and I thanked that man whom we are still friends until today." CJ ended his story and saw Nora eyes twinkle with some tears though she blinked them away.
"Today I almost gave in to the temptation of drinking  but I called you. Thank you for coming.
It is just that I may have found out that she had a child with another man but those are my suspicions." CJ rumbled.
"Are you sure?" Nora asked.
"No, but I am going to find out. I don't know what I will do but I want to find out the truth." He concluded.
Nora held his hand,"I will be here for you." She promised.
They took coffee as they talked about life back in the US and how much CJ put his uncle in trouble for the first two years.
They sat cosily and CJ wanted this part of his life to be permanent.
They had known each other for almost three months but he wanted her to be part of his life.
He saw how much relaxed she looked and like some weight was off her shoulder.
She looked serene and more beautiful and appealing.