saudade ⇒ n. romanoff ✓

XVII

MIDGARD
late 2012

NATASHA SIGHED AS she got up out of bed, the empty space next to her agonizing. Usually to fix the agony, she would distract herself with work, but Fury—and everyone else—made her take a leave of absence to deal with her grief.

Natasha rubbed her eyes as she walked into the bathroom. She looked up into the mirror, seeing a person she did not recognize. She had dark eye bags, tear stained cheeks, messy hair, and shitty clothes.

The redhead had been a mess since Olivia died, and she stopped taking care of herself. She knew Olivia would not approve.

After a few minutes of doing her business in the bathroom, Natasha exited the room and trotted into her kitchen. She had gotten dressed in the bathroom so she could meet up with Steve later that day.

He had been urging to check up on her for a few months and Natasha finally agreed.

The ex-assassin quickly made coffee, not in the mood to eat. It had been like that for months, but once in a while she ate so she wouldn't get extremely ill or even die.

Not that she would care.

At least she would be with Olivia in heaven—or Valhalla as she said before she passed away. Speaking of, they didn't even have a funeral for Olivia yet. Natasha had been avoiding it, but little did she know, Fury had been planning it for her.

Natasha reluctantly grabbed the coffee before going into the living room, turning on the TV to some recordings Olivia had made during her and Nat's career.

As Nat watched the tape, she tried her best not to sob right then and there as she saw Olivia's bright smile and laugh.

Oh, how Natasha longed to hear her laugh in real time again.

✁✁✁✁

"What are you talking about?!" Fury yelled at the coroner.

He trembled with fear, "I'm sorry!"

"You're telling me that for months you knew that Agent May's body was gone and you didn't say anything?!"

"Yeah," he nodded frantically.

Fury sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Get out of my face."

The coroner practically ran out of Fury's office, leaving Fury with an ongoing problem.

There was no evidence of where her body had gone—Heimdall made sure—so it was impossible to get it back.

"Shit," Fury exclaimed as he looked beside him, Natasha's number written on the piece of paper beside him.

✁✁✁✁

"So, how are you?" Steve asked Natasha as they took a walk along the bridge.

Natasha gave him a 'really' look.

Steve chuckled sheepishly, "Yeah, I know. That's a stupid question. I should know."

Natasha shrugged, "It's whatever. I just wish she was still here."

She glanced at him and sighed.

"It's been months and I'm still not over her death."

Steve looked down at her, "You'll never be over it, Nat. After my friend Bucky died, I grieved... but eventually, I moved on with my life. I'm not over it, though. I'll never be over it."

Tears welled in Nat's eyes, "I can't move on, though. That's the difference between you and I. I don't think I could ever move on with my life after her."

Steve nodded, "Well, that's what I thought, too. Give it some time, Nat. Grieving takes time. You don't have to rush it."

Before Natasha had a chance to respond, her phone started ringing. She glanced at it and saw Fury's number.

She furrowed her eyebrows.

"Hold on."

Steve nodded and she took a few steps forward after answering the phone.

"Hello?"

As Steve watched Natasha have a conversation with the person she was on the phone with, he could see the tears in her eyes when she hung up.

"What's wrong?" Steve asked the redhead.

"Uhm," she started in a trembling voice, "Someone took Oliver's body. It's not there."

"What?!" Steve exclaimed, "Wha- How- Why?"

"I don't know," she cried, "I can't ever see her again. They can't find who stole it. Said there's no evidence whatsoever. Who would do such a thing?"

"I'm sorry," he went up to her and hugged her, "I'm so sorry, Natasha."

That night Natasha stayed with Steve at her house, the blonde comforting and taking care of the redhead.

Been a while since she's been comforted by someone.

It wasn't the same.