i woke up to the loud ringing of my alarm as I quickly shut it off and groaned , i mentally reminded myself that i only had three more months before i could go off to college if I lived long enough to experience that as I exhaled and rolled out of bed .
i turned the lights on staring at my reflection in the mirror , i was gaining more weight and forcing the food out after every meal wasn't helping .
i reached over to grab a glass of water on my bedside and ran my hands through my hair and took a long breath .
i stepped into the shower and did the usual crying avoiding looking at the mirror and got out .
i looked down at my body sighed , attempt number 179 , failed , well atleast know I know that those painkillers cause no damage , yay .
I don't understand how some people succeed when attempting suicide but when I do , I always fail , it's so dumb honestly because how in the fuck ?
it always felt like I'd never reach my perfect body goal that i have been attempting for years and I let out a sigh . this should be great .
i took my jeans which were two sizes smaller for me and squeezed myself into them , i took my flat stomach belt and made sure to tighten it around my belly being unable to breathe for a second .
this was my daily routine and i had been on it for two years , at my school you were either slim or bullied , three kids ended their lives due to it and i didn't want to be the fourth .
i had been a victim too once until i started losing weight and finally decided to wear smaller clothes and live a lie , it was working .
i wore a long sleeved tee to hide the scars on my arms as i quickly did my hair . i rushed downstairs to make myself toast when my mom walked into the kitchen , perfect thin legs , flat stomach , thin long arms .
she was once one of those popular girls at school during her high school years , so the body remained , she never got to work for it she told me she just got it naturally , something which I failed to get .
" two slices is a bit too much don't you think ? unless you want to gain weight " she said taking one of the slices and putting it back ,
" I'll be back late today , your belt needs to be tighter I can see your stomach from here " she said scrunching her face in disgust as I anxiously fixed the belt .
" better i guess , we can't all be perfect " she murmured as she walked out and i quickly went up to throw out my food before I got late for school .
authors note :
if you even bothered reading this I'm shocked asf , I don't want to make this story long its supposed to just me a short story , so I'll be trying to not drag it more than I should meaning short chapters , fast paced . <3
YOU ARE READING
a reason to die
Teen Fiction" what's your problem ? why are you so keen on me being alive ? " she asked as he just stood there and stared at her as if he too had no idea , he took a deep breathe and said the words fastly but they did not go unheard , she heard them loud and cl...
