our gentle sin

repent

21.

JENNIE POV

Irene had been keeping a close eye on me ever since she had caught me in bed with Lisa. She had barely let me leave her sight unless I was in my own room. With Rosie's help, I had managed to sneak away for a few minutes unnoticed.

"I should have never let you near that girl," she had said. "This is my fault. We'll pray every day until you are cleansed of these impure feelings and the Lord forgives you. It's not too late, but you can never see that girl again."

"Yes, Mother Superior," I had said, with every intention to see Lisa within the next opportunity.

Before seeing her, I had considered that meeting may have been our last, but Lisa had asked me to run away with her. It wasn't much of a decision. I knew what I wanted, even if that meant leaving behind the woman who had raised me. I saw only Lisa in my future now.

She had moved my permanent vows to this weekend. She said it would help the Lord forgive me quicker. Apart from the lying, I wasn't sure I had done anything wrong. Being with Lisa felt right; she didn't make me feel dirty for feelings and thoughts that I couldn't control.

And when she had taken my clothes off and laid on top of me, they had most definitely been out of control. I hadn't been satisfied, and if we hadn't been interrupted, I may have humped Lisa's abs until I had felt better.

Even the thought of how I had acted made my cheeks heat up. The way I had been grinding myself against her body was mortifying, and maybe it was a blessing in disguise that we were interrupted.

Rosie pulled me out of my shameful thoughts.

"What are you going to do?" She was sat on her bed after we had just come back from seeing Lisa.

"I'm going to run away with her." I took a seat on my own bed.

"Oh," she said simply." "I wasn't expecting that."

"Why not?"

"Because--" she paused. "I mean, you're you. In all these years you've never stepped a toe out of line, and now you're running away in your rebellion?"

"It's not a rebellion. I'm choosing how I spend my life. You chose yours. Why can't I have the same option?"

"Fair enough," she sighed. "I just hope you're not making a mistake."

Rosie had good intentions. She saw me as a little sister and was naturally protective of me, especially since I had lived a sheltered life, so I understood why she was a bit sceptical about this.

"I'm not. Lisa will take care of me."

"I hope for your sake that she does."

"She will," I repeated adamantly. If she knew Lisa like I did, she wouldn't even think to doubt her. I wasn't the only one taking the risk; Lisa was leaving her life behind too.

"Well then, you're going to need this." She gets up and pulls her suitcase from under her bed. "Pack what you need and hide it in case someone comes in."

"Thank you, Rosie." I stand and hug her tight before taking the suitcase.

"When are you leaving?"

"Lisa said to meet her tomorrow night."

"That quick?"

"I have to. Mother Superior is making me take my permanent vows this weekend."

"I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too, Sister."

Permanent vows weren't as scary as they sounded. I could still technically leave after I had taken them at any point. But I knew I wouldn't. Irene knew I wouldn't too. That's why she had moved them up.