Blinded by Color

Chapter 30 Kayla

The sun is shining ever so brightly in my room again. I haven't left this spot for days. I haven't unpacked a single item or had a single meal. I don't even care anymore. All my life, I have tried to do what is right and tried to be the good daughter, sister, and niece. I had no idea the people I was worried about pleasing were the same people responsible for my pain. They were the same people who killed my father and covered it up. They let me live wondering what happened and if the person was still walking around our town, seeing me grow up or shop in the local Piggly Wiggly. I was flabbergasted. How could I be nervous the killer was lurking around the beach or in my section eating at the Diner when all along the killer was living with me. How could I have been so blind to think my mom and my uncle loved me and would never do anything to hurt me. I have nothing to say to them. Not only am I embarrassed that when I step outside, everyone knows my mother and the sheriff killed my father, but it also hit national news. I can't even move away and hope to be discreet and start over. They ruined my life. They stole my father's life, took my childhood, made me believe they cared and wiped every tear I cried from my eyes and told me to be strong. They reminded me the case was never closed and we would somehow find the person who did this. Uncle Rodney was all too happy to step up to the plate and be my father figure. All this because my father had an affair. My father betrayed me too. The man I missed and cried for year after year slept with a black woman. He had another daughter. Not just me! I had a sister, and he never told me. He never alluded to the fact that he had a secret family or slipped up and said her name. He was a Bonafede liar. He was good at it. I felt like if he had lived, my life would have been better; my mom would have been better. She never would have drunk herself stupid every night, and J would have had a male figure to provide the right way of living. J would have never considered being gay. Now I hate him too. Everyone in this family was keeping secrets. They all had skeletons in the closet that did not creep out but jumped out at the same time. I guess the saying is true that when it rains, it pours. I can't stop crying, and yet I feel like no one deserves my tears. Josh wants nothing to do with me. I have no one who understands because Niv thinks this all is no big deal like with everything in life. She sways with the wind, whichever way it blows. Her lack of empathy makes me pissed at her too. Mr. H called to see how I was doing, but I think that was just to be polite because in the same message, he made sure to tell me I need to take some time off. He doesn't want me causing drama at the Diner. He thinks it's best if I stay home till things blow over. That was to be expected, I guess. Why would he want the biggest news story in the history of Lutz to be walking around his establishment and waiting on his loyal customers? That is the thing with this town. He would lose business. People would avoid it and tell him to fire me. No need. I decided to beat them to the punch and quit. I have no idea how I will pay for this apartment or what will happen to my mom's house. I feel like, again, it's all on me to figure it out. I am turning twenty-four years old, and I have nothing to be proud of or show for myself. A dead father, a murderous mother, a gay brother, no job, a half-black sister! How did this happen? My life was perfect till I was ten. I wish I could just pretend I never knew any of this. Just go back to the moments of being a little girl and loving my daddy as my hero. Now that is all gone. This sister of mine is a doctor. She's probably going to try and look down on me for not having a career, but pssshhh, she can't say anything because she's black. At least I got the right color from my parents. I can't look at my baby brother the same. I can't visit my mom in jail. I cannot get off this damn floor. I have no desire to live anymore. I feel hopeless, and now, with every tear falling from my cheek onto the gray carpet of this new apartment, I think, how do I start over? How do I pick up the pieces and move on? I grabbed my phone and saw I had several new messages. Niv invited me to the pool to chill with her and my brother. Who does she think she is? That is my brother. Why does she think it's okay to hang out with him? Ugh! J texted me and told me he invited Tiffany to town to come meet us. Was he crazy? She is the reason our father is dead, and our mother is in jail. Why can't he see that? She has ruined our lives. I have no desire to meet her. I couldn't care less if she were dead. I was going to have to break my lease and move. I couldn't stay here anymore. I had messages and missed calls from aunts and uncles. I had nothing to say to any of them. I didn't care anymore. I was going to make a list of things to do, and the list would be titled, Goodbye, Kayla! I would start with changing my number and my name. The first stop would be AT&T, and the second stop Lutz County Courthouse. I was going to disappear. No one was going to know who I was or where I was from. I have never left the country, but I decided that shouldn't be that hard since I also never lived with a murderer either till now. What was a flight to a foreign place in comparison to living with a killer?