Chpt 13:"Can't we just stay? Can we start over and fade away with one another?"

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Taehyung,

My words forming a perfect melody with the rain as I laid there with my head on your lap, I wanted to take the words back because I can't find myself to stop loving you and I knew that this would hurt us in the end.
Your hand held mine in a light grip as if you would let go i would disappear for good this time, I felt my heart beat louder when you didn't respond but I myself was wishing you never heard my words.

I wish we could move past this and say it was just a mistake and we gotta go our separate but we both know that is not how this will go, because we are stuck to one another.

It's not because we feel destined to finish our story, it's because we're choosing to see how we will end and see how bad we will hurt one another and how much love we hold in the hatred. And I wish I could say I was wrong but I'm not because I don't think I should be laying on you while we hold hands, I don't think you should have stepped through that door hours ago.

And you should have never laid next to me in my bed leaving your scent all over my small apartment, but let's face it we can't help it till we know how bad or how good this will end or continue. "I don't want to love you, but I'm here because I feel like loving you. I know it's bad but it feels like the only way I can find a reason to unlove you."

I felt his words burn into my memory like but I felt the same way he did, I wanted to unlove him but I could never seem to let myself after all those years I couldn't.

(Three years after the bridge)
"Stop trying to get yourself caught!" Jimin yelled while you guys stood there in the storage room. "I can do as I please!" I yelled back while I stood my ground he was angry but I didn't care because I want Taehyung to know I was okay.
"All you do is cause pain and trauma to him every time he gets a glimpse of you he feels like he's losing it, you don't see him the way I do or the way we all do. You don't get to witness that."

I felt my heart beat slow down as my pulse went back to normal instead of the anger I felt, because it's not jimin fault he wants his friend to be okay.

"Jimin listen to me." He sighed and shook his head, "There's nothing to hear from you. It's enough that two of us have to keep you a secret." He looked down the door squeaking open as I ducked behind the boxes of the, "It's just me." I stood back up and jimin sighed at yoongi and walked out, "Yoongi."

He shook his head stepping back from me. At this moment I felt like everything was numb, I stared at him as he looked down and shook his head.

"Yoongi?" He looked up and shook his head, I knew I ruined things but I never wanted to hurt anyone. "Please all I ask is for.." he looked at me his eyes had tears, I read him like nothing as if he was ready to say goodbye now and I knew that's what it was because I had a knot in my throat and tears in my eyes while he stared at me with pure hatred and pain from seeing his friend hurting so much.

"I think it's time for you to leave for again. It's time for you to leave us alone for good."
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I nodded my head not wanting to say a word, because I felt it too. I just didn't know how to say it in words to agree with him on something that'll hurt us both in the end, it all hurts and we both knew it but here we are letting ourselves drown in it like we can survive this in the end.

I feel like we will but I feel like at this moment we both know we will love each other even if this ends, this love is no other we felt and I feel like I can seem to let it go. I felt myself sink into you while you burned into my skin because I never wanted to forget your touch.

How many chances will it take? How many will it take for us to realize we're hurting ourselves continuously, how many will it be till we decided this is not for us. How long till we've had enough? How long till we realize theres no more words to play on? The chances are unlimited and so is time...

Yet we'll always have that place in ourselves for each other. At last your words like a song fill the room while we lay there knowing that the answer to both of those questions....

"Can't we just stay? Can't we start over and fade away with one another?"

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