Just For Now | Book 1

Chapter 20

CHAEYOUNG POV

I ask Jennie to leave me for awhile, I'm not okay and I know I'll never be.

I love Jisoo more than words could express I'm not being dramatic or anything it's just that I love her, I'm being selfish when it comes to her.

Now I don't know how to move on.

I accepted the food Jennie cooks me, they thought I'm eating but I just let it sit there and be cold. Yeah, to be honest I love to eat but this time I'm not feeling like it.

I wanna call her so bad but I know she'll just ignore me, she's moving on why can't I do the same?

I still can't believe it that I'll be living my life without you as my own. I ran out of words to tell you how much I love you, I kept on repeating that imagining you're beside me. If I could just bring back the time and be with you once again as my own.

Yes, I get it now. This so called love story of us is just like the movies, where the male lead and the female lead fells inlove with each other and made love, but then afterwards it was just all scripted and never true.

Maybe that was us all along, you stayed because you only pity me, right?

I never mentioned this but every night when I'm in your arms I would listen to your heart then falls asleep. Your heart is my lullaby, it's soft and pure. I wish I could hear it once again.

But I realize we'll never be that close ever again.

I'm not ready for you to leave Kim Jisoo.

No one can replace you, you're an angel yourself too. You will always have a place in my heart.

I need you everytime and you know that.

Now I feel sorry, sorry for being attached with you. I know I should've never break that border that's keeping us.

I'd do anything just to be with you, but somehow I'm too weak. I wish I'm like you strong and bold, I hate myself for being like this.

I cried on the pillow you were using I'm right, it has your scent.

If you only knew how badly I want you, fuck why am I so selfish???

I need you... really bad.

I wanted to believe that this is just a nightmare, I want to open my eyes but sadly I can't cause I'm facing reality.

I just hope you're happy, happy living the life you wanted together with your partner. Trust me, I'll try to be happy seing you happy with someone you truly loves.

I stood up from my bed and went to my bathroom, I wiped my tears and splashed my face with water.

I'll try to be strong

As I freshened a little bit I looked at my messy room and sighed heavily, memories starts to flash back. Me sleeping in your arms as I wake up with your smile and morning kisses, I bit my lip to control my tears and opened the curtains.

The sun shined so bright and filled my whole room with it's light.

I wanna be like you Mr.Sun, you're all alone but yet still shines.

I started to grab my pillows that have fallen from my bed. I was almost done after 20 minutes but something cought my eye.

I went to get it and realized it was Jisoo's clothes, oh I remember the night when you first slept her. Both of us were so drunk, I remember letting you borrow my clothes since I found our you were uncomfortable.

FLASHBACK 3:00AM

I was in my deep slumber when I felt someone tossing and turning, right I remember I have a roommate right now.

"stop that" I whispered,

"I can't sleep, this shirt is not ment to be for sleeping" she said, I felt her face plamed and I just giggle, we both sat at the bed as I turned on the lights.

I dug into my closet and found a shirt for her to wear.

"here" I handed her, she's about to take off her shirt when I stopped her.

"whoa, what are you doing? you know the bathroom is over there" I then pointed. She giggled nervously while I tried to sleep.

Minutes later and the lights went off. I made my self cozy when I felt someone backhugged me.

I turned around and goodness our face is just an inch far away. She's in her sleep and probably thinks I'm a pillow hahahahaha.

I pecked her nose and hid my head on the crook of her neck this is way more comfortable than my bed.

END OF FLASHBACK

I'm surprised that she didn't remembered about this shirt, it still smells like her, it's still in good terms.

I wore it and went downstairs with a heavy heart but still I showed my smile. I saw the couple watching a movie in my living room.

Lucky for them they get to spend their lives with each other.

"well look who's here, you okay now?" Jennie ask as I sat beside her.

"yeah.." I smiled while eating the ice cream Jennie and Lisa bought me.

"and I think I'm ready to move on..."

We didn't get to spend the rest of our lives together, but I'm still happy that God gave us a chance to meet and be with together even in just a small moment of time.

Our story didn't end with a Happily Ever After  but I'm still greatful for all of the things we both did.

'Till we meet again, Kim Jisoo

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the end of book 1 hehe:)

I told myself that book 1 will be a sad ending but I'm kinda happy
for no reason (｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡

thanks for the support u guys are the best<3 :)