𝕄𝕆𝕀ℝ𝔸

38 |THIRTY EIGHT|삼십팔

ERIN

The beginnings tend to be exciting, a bit anxious, surprising, even dreadful, but mostly exciting.

"You know this band...I've been listening to them for a while now"

"Mhm, tell me about it more..."

Mysterious, full of surprises, opening new world to us, in one way or another.

"The message you see, it's my first time listening to music talking about such things..."

We let it consume us, the admiration and affection, taking troll over us.

"It's not that hard, is it? You can try and get me a ticket"

Stepping blindly into trenches of, unknown depths, overlooking, ignoring, drunk in excitement of the blinding light shining over us.

"I don't want to hear it! if only for once you tried to understand! I didn't ask for the world!"

And before I even knew I was stuck.

"No need to exhaust yourself, you're not leaving"

"I hate you, enough to kill you myself"

Confused, scared, and above all lost.

"Looking into her eyes I knew what they did"

The time flowing slow, almost unmoving, with the wounds over flesh turning to frail marks, and my heart losing to the cold sheet of agony, seeming to be lost somewhere non-existent, forever.

"Now, let's see how long will it take before you break"

The will shattered, as I watched myself wither in silence, silence of the storm still far in the future.

"Altered their memories"

The injuries bleed, and nothing really hurts, the red over the flooring and the slits over the suffering being, non-existent, I didn't even knew and I was numb.

"One of the hardest things you ever have to do, my love, would be to grieve the loss of people who're still alive"

The hidden parts of my existence, slowly catching up, dark silhouettes lingering around.

"Sol-"

Calling out names which seemed forbidden, the skin burning as the past brings the despair and misery along.

"Why? Why? Didn't you tell me? Why not? It's mine, why!"

And then I realized, that it didn't begin yesterday or a day before, nor months, neither year, rather it was ages ago, I've died and came back to the same the cycle, fallen to same misery as before. Victim of abandonment, burdensome relations, betrayal, all over again, this isn't the first page, just another segment of my prolonged sufferings.

Understanding how my existence will continue to, echo their names, until we don't reach the destined end. A destiny, same as the wood, slowly burning away to lighten the darkness, it's affliction never-ending.

"Argh! -" wincing at the memories, clouding my head, and the pain blooming in my head, trying to breathe, as my heart ripped itself apart, foreign, names, events, all ran through my vision "STOP! -" shivering at the horse and almost unknown echoes of my own voice, with hands trembling at the intensity of the emotions I continued to feel, I felt lost.

The ground beneath, and the ceiling above all moving, or probably it's just me, unable to stay stable, "Erin, you need to calm down" I can't! It's too much, the images painful, as I've lived eternities at once, all victims of same fate, betrayal running in the veins, the core of my being itself, a curse, bearing visions of wrath and pain.