𝕄𝕆𝕀ℝ𝔸

19 | NINETEEN | 십구

ERIN

My hands shook under the covers, as I watched them talk, the women in front of me, smiling at me, catching me off guard, looking away I avoided the unknown, hiding behind my sweater paws I tried to listen to their conversation.

Steeling glances of her, going back and forth between both of them, still confused and wary of their presence, "I guess Noona must've explained rest" nodding at him, she looked at me.

"Erin-" My heart raced as I looked at him, his hairs hovering messily over his forehead, as he now looked at me, chocolaty orbs, on me, as he walked closer, his proximity warm, "This is Seo-Yoon, she's been taking care of you for a while now, now she'll be with you most of the time."

I gulped at his words, Taking care of me for a while? How come I don't remember any of that? Someone took care of me? When did that even happen, the change of their behavior, is getting harder to decipher, and the care and worries are bothersome?

Both of them stared at me, with an unknown expression, before he sighed, "I forgot to tell you-" he began, eyes still on me, "She hasn't spoken a single word for over a month now-" with his fingers, against my skin he spoke, the words daunting in some ways.

Pulling the blanket closer, I snuggled into it, trying to hide from them, the women nodded, her eyes sharp, "Taking her out will be helpful, nature is a great healer-" agreeing with her suggestion, he leaned closer, flinching involuntary at his act, I gulped.

"I hope you'll heal soon" he whispered, with that charming smile of his, leaving my heart all messed up, and I facepalmed, knowing he did it on purpose, messing with me, for fun, my heart ached at the softness I noticed in his eyes, the warmth and care, now seeming horrifying, their new aura, suspicious, still wary of changes in people, I tried to keep my guard high.

"Don't do it again" she spoke making me look at her, tilting my head in confusion, I looked at her, "We don't want you gone, so don't do it" she mumbled, the pain in her voice still pretty clear.

And I almost laughed at her words, of course they don't want me gone, if they did, they would've let me die, but they decided to make it worse, to ruin me, break me, it was obvious that my death wasn't their goal, and little did I know, whatever is going to happen in future, will break me beyond repair.

I've lost my will to live, Isolation is the nightmare which broke me over and over again, breaking and ripping my own flesh, in order to feel, feel anything just to know if I'm here or is it a dream on loop, dream where I've lost track of time, lost touch of human essence.

The noise is heaven to these ears which didn't hear anything, my need to know, I'm not lost, the fear of wandering in the abysses of emptiness, settled down into my bones, and I hated their belief of, nothing being wrong, and still my hate for my own existence was far more real than it was for theirs, I didn't want them gone, rather I wish for my own demise.

"I know you're hurt-" she whispered making me look at her, her words so unknown to me, hurt they say, no I'm not, I'm just a bit too much of a pathetic existence.

The tragedy of life isn't death, rather the state of life, where you're unable to voice yourself out, as no one's listening, the real tragedy is that, we die even when we're alive, we wish to disappear, where in reality all we want is to be found.

I'm not silent on purpose, rather the only way to stop the ache within, my heart which withered like the flower of fall, is lured deep into, emptiness, silence causes chaos within to burn itself, words won't explain what you're going through, as this body is vessel of the being who's long gone to the nether.