Lover's Curse (Red Queen Awards Winner)

Chapter Thirty Nine - Love Alone

Mare

I stand there for far too long, staring at the trapdoor in heart-pounding silence. My lips are warm. So are my cheeks.

Lightning Girl.

Love is meaningless. Love didn't stop Maven from letting me whither to bones. It didn't stop me from humiliating Cal when it served my interests. And it didn't stop Iris from trapping me in a new cage of silence.

Love is never enough.

What spurred her, then, to stand as she did? To shield me against her mother and pretend they might fight on my behalf? Is there another word I should use for her?

Or do I not understand what love is?

"You can be smitten on the way." Rosalie nudges me forward, chuckling. "For now, let's get moving."

Silly. I inch away from the exit, head light and chest aflutter. This is no time to fantasize. "So where does this tunnel lead?"

"I'm not sure." Her head tilts. "My guess is somewhere outside the city walls, perhaps near a village or river. Might lead outside the country. Or even . . . " Her voice hushes. "Further."

"What do you mean?"

"A place I can practice in the open." Rosalie stares into the distance, cheeks flushed. "Where my abilities can be taught and examined without fear of retribution."

Montfort.

I sigh. "Do what you want. I, for one, am returning to Whitefire."

"To your lover." Her tone is soft, matter of fact, but I bristle anyway. "You could bring him with you, if you wanted. There's always room in my clinic."

My lungs tighten. No. He'd never agree to it. And even if he did . . .

Maven won't bargain for her.

My cheeks burn. So what? I don't need him. This only proves what I knew all along, and Colors I needed the reminder. He's not on my side.

Never will be.

A shadow leaps from wall to wall, striking closer with each breath. Rosalie flattens against me, scrambling for a weapon where none lies. Healers make for poor soldiers.

So do prisoners.

Darkness sharpens to depth and dimension as the shadow glides into focus. Eleanora brandishes her gun, then halts. "Rosie?"

"Elle." Rosalie softens. "I can explain."

It's pointless. Their worlds rotate around different axises, too off-kilter to ever be joined. Rosalie should save herself the heartache.

"I'm sorry. It was wrong to do this behind your back, but I can't--" She clutches her heart. "I can't live like this! Tell me you feel it. Tell me I'm not alone."

Eleanora hesitates. However much she loves Rosalie, this is her home. Iris didn't join me when I asked, and why would she?

Love is never enough.

But she steps forward, gun discarded, throwing an arm around Rosalie's shoulder. "You're never alone, Rosie. Besides." She shrugs. "Never fit in here anyway."

Talk drifts to memories, private jokes I've not the context to understand. I should be happy for them. Should laugh and smile along, not cling to the walls in misery. Should do anything but curse that she is here and Iris is not.

Of course she stayed behind. Of course her family came first. Of course my loneliness is secondary to the army marching ever-nearer, of course I am alone, of course, of course, of course.

"They kept asking if we were sisters." Eleanora rolls her eyes. "I'd grab her by the collar, kiss her passionately and say--"

"We're twins." They laugh.

My heart clenches. I'll never have that. Never know what it's like to trust someone so thoroughly.

I look away.

The shadows taunt me, embracing each other in the pale turquoise light of the moss. They know no shame. They know no hatred. Their affection is pure, longing without the need to take or destroy.

I'd told Cenra Maven would come for me, and held up the attack as proof. But I've no way of knowing if it's his doing. And it doesn't matter. He isn't worth my tears, my anguish, my obsession, this desperate longing, for someone, anyone to--

I still.

I could've sworn . . .

No. That's impossible.

But in the shadows, something glints, so quick I might have imagined it, something . . .

Blue.

"Hello." Fingers brush along my arm, slow, tender, and so inviting it burns. Maven meets my eyes with a wry smile. "Did you miss me?"

A/N: Chapter 40's the only chapter I don't have pre-written so after that's out updates should happen at a normal pace again lol