Chapter 41
It didn't end well between Troy and I, and I already expected this kind of treatment. I was actually ready for it kung sakali mang magkita na kami. But no amount of preparing would make you ready for the pain.
Because the moment he looked away from me, my chest hurt, like I've been stabbed.
For the past years, after our break up and everything else that happened, I tried so hard to forget about him, para mawala na iyong sakit. I tried to move on because I can't mope about it forever. I need to live my life. But it was never easy. Sometimes, I just find myself crying over him, over our relationship.
Troy is a big part of my life and he will always hold that part. He's my McDreamy, the love of my life. But unlike Meredith, I didn't fight for our love.
I let him go.
And I am to blame for it.
He was trying to fix the problem, but I chose to give up, not because I stopped loving him, but because that was me sacrificing. I chose to sacrifice our relationship because I thought that was the best thing to do. Like what I always tell myself, I'm willing to sacrifice for love, even if I will end up hurting myself. Ang hindi ko alam, I was also hurting the one that I love.
He's still the love of my life.
I wish I could tell him that but I just don't have the courage to do so. Pakiramdam ko ang kapal ng mukha ko kung guguluhin ko ulit siya. So maybe I'll just let this be.
The next days in the hospital became busy. Pero sa tuwing nakakakita ako ng lalaking doctor na kasing-taas o kapareho niya ng tindig ay bigla na lang akong kinakabahan. Pagkatapos kasi ng sandaling pagtitinginan namin sa nursery ay hindi na kami nagkita. Baka iniiwasan niya ako, o baka busy lang talaga siya.
"Hala, malapit nang matapos rotation natin dito," narinig kong sabi ni Addie. We were having dinner. Kasama namin si Ralph. Iyong iba kasi ay busy ngayon kaya wala pang time kumain. Kami naman ay habang may oras pa at wala pa kaming pasyente ay pumuslit na muna sa canteen. Sawang-sawa na nga ako sa pagkain dito but who am I to complain? The food here is free for us and I don't have the time to prepare a baon or go somewhere else for dinner.
This is my life now. And for the next years of my life.
"Saan kaya next? Sa ER na ba?" Ralph mumbled.
"I think sa Pedia," Addie said. I almost choked on my food. Mabilis naman akong inabutan ni Ralph ng tubig.
"Okay ka lang, teh?" Tanong naman ni Addie habang hinihimas ang likod ko. Tumango na lang ako bilang sagot.
If our next rotation is really in Pediatrics, malaki ang chance na lagi kaming magkikita.
Am I ready for it?
"Miss Rivera?" I heard somebody said. Nag-angat ako ng tingin and saw Dr. Ynares. He was one of Love's doctor when she got into accident. I remember he was the first doctor who noticed us when we were looking for Love and explained to us what happened and what needed to be done back then.
Napangiti ako sa kanya. "Hi, Doc!" So he still works here? Ilang taon na rin kasi 'nong huling nagkita kami. And I'm quite shocked that he still remembers me.
"Or should I say, Dra. Rivera?" He said with a smile.
Noong nasa ospital pa si Love, we got a lot of chances to talk. Medyo naging close din kami noon kasi matagal ding nanatili si Love sa ospital. He comforted us that time and made sure to check on Love from time to time.
"Akala ko po sa US kayo magpapatuloy?" I asked. Naalala ko kasi he was in his first year of residency before and he was planning to continue it sa US. Hindi ko lang sure kung natuloy ba.
