Semper Fidelis

Chapter 17.3

"And something did happen," James supplied quietly.

Hermione nodded regretfully. "Yes, they did. Demos found out. He came for me. And... you know the rest, love."

James looked at her in awe and she could see the questions swimming in his eyes. "Did you figure out what the staff did? Did you really transfigure it? Where is it now?"

Hermione simply nodded her head. "I think I know what it does, but I need more time," she began, and since there was no reason to stop, she continued, "The staff was always with me."

He jerked and looked at her in shock. "What? It is? Where is it now?!"

With care, Hermione lifted her right hand. James watched as the bracelet shone on the light. The little H and J silver charms twinkled as she lightly shook her wrist.

"The bracelet?" He whispered in disbelief.

Hermione nodded her head. "I didn't want to let it out of my sight."

James touched one of the charms with the tip of his finger, seemingly in awe. It looked exactly like the gift he had given her. "Can I... can I see it?" He asked.

Hermione gave a wry smile. "I don't know where my wand is right now, baby, and I don't think I'm strong enough yet to do the spell without it."

He nodded in understanding, eyes still fixated on the silver chain. He snuggled to her side and played with the bracelet with his fingers. It sure felt and looked normal. He wouldn't have guessed otherwise for he could see nothing different with the silver. James felt himself get a little excited at the idea of seeing his mum transfigure it back to what it truly was. He hadn't seen a lot of very complex transfiguration spells in school yet with the exception of Professor McGonagall transforming herself into a cat and back. "We can ask Professor Potter where your wand is, mum. He would know. Are you... going to tell him about this? He's a really good Auror, you know."

There it was. That feeling of dread instantly followed by the feeling of freedom settled in Hermione.

It was no longer time to hide. It was time for the truth.

She squeezed him closer and shut her eyes. She breathed in. And out. In. And out. She found the courage inside of her and opened her eyes. In a whisper, she asked, "What do you think of Professor Potter?"

Hermione watched a small grin grace her son's lips. James' eyes brightened and immediately the boy stopped fidgeting with the transfigured bracelet and looked at her. "He's really cool. Defence is the best class ever and he also likes Quidditch! He helped me practice for the tryouts," James said excitedly. "And he's fun to talk to and doesn't look down on me," he continued more softly. "He's also Nate's and Teddy's godfather and they say he's really, really nice and kind to them. He's really nice and kind to me too." He gave her an earnest look and his grin widened. "You can trust him, mum. He... promised me he would find you and he did."

He said it so easily like it was fact. There was reverence and awe in how James spoke about the man he knew as Professor Potter. It wasn't the same hero-worship she became all too familiar with during school either. James wasn't simply retelling Professor Potter's triumphs and commendations from other people's lips or from what he'd read in the newspaper. It was deeper than that. It was more personal.

Her son had already fallen in love.

And his words held meaning to Hermione that he himself didn't know about. Those four words spoken so simply were another reminder of the greatest mistake she had ever committed.

James was right.

She could trust him. She should have trusted him.

But she didn't.

"Do you remember what I told you about your father?" She asked in a whisper.

James, who had started to fidget with the transfigured chain again, stopped what he was doing and turned his full attention to her. His face was scrunched in confusion at the change in topic while he thoughtfully nodded his head.

"I do, but... what does my dad have to do with anything?" He asked.

Hermione tucked him into her side and held him close. She had no idea how to proceed but there was absolutely no going back now. "What do you remember?"

James pondered in silence. What doesn't he remember? He held onto everything that was said about his father so closely. He kept all the little grains of information he collected over the years near to his heart. He told himself never to forget. After all, how could he forget when he already knew so little?

His mum told him his father was the best man she ever knew. He was described as helpful, powerful, amazing, and brave. Even Mr. Ollivander said that he was lucky to have known James' dad.

James frowned. But how could he be all that when he wasn't even there? How could he be so amazing when he didn't see what was right in front of him? How could he be so brave when he wasn't there for his mum when she needed him the most?

How could his mum still love him so much even when he didn't love her?

James honestly tried not to cast judgement towards this unknown figure. He was aware that he didn't know the whole story. He had a feeling his dad never even knew his mum was pregnant. And his mum never spoke ill of his father as well. Granted, she didn't speak a lot about him but when she did, it was to reminisce about the good times and to give him accolades.

But she still felt the need to leave. Not just him behind, but her friends, her life, and her magic as well. She created a whole new identity for herself to protect him and his father.

What did that even mean?

"I remember everything you've ever told me about him," James replied honestly.