Semper Fidelis

Chapter 17.5

It was finally out. Her guilt and her faults spilled from her alongside a river of tears. It was hard telling it all to James. It wasn't easy admitting that she had failed him as a mother. It also wasn't easy admitting that she had been a truly terrible friend to the best friend she had ever known.

She was Harry Potter's best friend. She loved him so much, for Merlin's sake, yet she still betrayed him. There was no other way to describe the actions she took eleven years ago. She deprived him of a chance for a family, the one thing she knew he wanted most in the world. Moreso, she didn't own up to it until she was forced to. She had eleven years to find him again. She had eleven years to seek forgiveness and make everything right.

But she didn't. She hid herself in the Muggle world under the guise of Jane Watson because she was scared...

She held onto James and drew him closer to her chest.

...and in doing so, she deprived her son the chance to know his father. And she deprived the only person she had ever loved the chance to know his son.

James quietly digested her words. The more he thought about it the more the pieces fell into place. His name, for goodness sake. He was named after his grandfather. Then there was Mr. and Mrs. Weasley who said they were friends of his mum's...

And the way Professor Potter looked at him after that Hallowe'en night. There was something different in his gaze. James closed his eyes and tried to recall the conversation he and the Auror had in the Quidditch field after his mum was taken.

The Auror asked about his mum. And then, he asked James about his dad. He seemed so lost when he questioned James about the father he never knew. James narrowed his eyes as he tried to remember the professor's reaction to his words.

"He didn't love her. My father didn't love my mum."

He remembered the pained expression on the older man's face.

"She didn't want to get in the way of his happiness."

He remembered the Auror's burning eyes.

"She left to protect him and to protect me. She loved him so much, and she still does."

He remembered how the Auror left him in the Quidditch field with another promise to bring her back home. James watched as the man walked on top of the grass with his shoulders slumped and his head bent. He looked broken.

Now James knew why. This whole mess was starting to make sense in his mind.