Semper Fidelis

Chapter 17.8

Harry gasped and the broomstick clattered to the ground. His eyes were wide behind his glasses. He took a staggering step forward before dropping to his knees just as the boy - his son - ran into his arms.

"James," Harry breathed. "Oh, James," he whispered. His arms closed around the crying boy and held him tight. James' arms looped around his neck as he buried his face into his father's chest. Harry felt the tears rise to the surface and he didn't bother holding them in. "You know. Merlin, you know. How?" He asked in a strangled whisper.

James' head lifted from his chest. "Mum told me," he said softly.

At the mention of Hermione, Harry jerked and looked at James. "She's awake?" He asked, hopeful. He was gripped with worry that she had taken so much damage from the bullet wound and magical exhaustion.

James nodded slowly. "She woke up earlier this evening. And we... talked," he answered quietly.

Harry's heart pounded loudly in his chest. "She told you about... us? About... me?" He asked in a whisper.

James simply nodded.

"How do you feel?" Harry asked softly. He stopped breathing as he waited for James' reply.

"I've always wanted a dad," James said in a murmur as the tears silently streaked down his cheeks. "And I'm so glad it's you."

A choked sob left Harry and he and James embraced once again. His hand was stroking soothing circles on James' back as all of their emotions rose to the surface and spilled over the edge.

"I didn't know," Harry said in a strangled voice to the darkness. He felt James' sobs quiet down as the boy listened. "If I had, I would have... I wouldn't have... I... I am so sorry."

He couldn't find the right words to say.

What could he say? Harry was at a loss for his mind and heart were in a jumble. Ever since Hallowe'en night when James told him that Hermione left because he loved another person, he hadn't been able to think straight. How did she come to that conclusion? How could she have possibly thought that? Even though at the time he hadn't realized he loved her, he certainly wasn't in love with another.

She was the most important person in his whole world.

If he was to be in love when he was seventeen, it would be with her and no one else.

James withdrew from his embrace and the father and son looked at each other. Harry felt like he had so much to apologize for as he watched the tears leak from those brown eyes. They were her eyes and they were another reminder of what he had lost eleven years ago.

"I know, dad," James whispered, smiling slightly at Harry's stunned look at being called "dad" once again. The boy's hand rested on Harry's damp cheek and lightly brushed the tears away. As he drew his arms around his dad for another embrace, James whispered a promise which he had already given his mum. "Everything's going to be okay."

His dad walked him back to the Gryffindor common room. They didn't really talk since the surprise and shock of the discovery was still too fresh. And it wasn't like any words were needed either, since their tears and tender embrace just moments ago were enough of a statement that they both wanted this.

They parted ways in front of the Fat Lady after another embrace and a promise to have a longer talk in the morning. James went to bed with a smile on his face and his heart full. His mum was okay and she was on the road to recovery. He finally found out the identity of his father and he turned out to be the man James already deeply respected and cared for. And, it seemed like his dad actually wanted to foster this new relationship as well.

On the other side of the castle, Harry laid wide awake on his own bed. He felt everything at once that he was starting to feel numb. The happiness that he had a son who wanted this new paternal relationship with him was at the forefront. He may have missed out on eleven years of James' life, but Harry vowed that he would be present for the rest if James wished him to be. He knew he already loved the boy and couldn't imagine parting ways with him.

And then, there was that grain of anger in his heart. Anger towards Hermione for keeping this all from him. Anger towards Hermione for breaking his trust. Anger towards himself for...

For still loving her.

Because he still loved her, despite all of what she had done.

He realized that as he watched her fall after the gunshot. He came to Athens thinking he could never forgive her for the betrayal she had committed. He went in thinking that once she had answered all of his questions, he would finally stop.

Stop thinking about her.

Stop dreaming about her.

Stop loving her.

But then she just had to go and put herself in harm's way. She just had to go and save him.

And as he watched her fall and saw the blood pouring from her side, Harry realized that he couldn't stop. When he saw her fall, his heart dropped. His whole world fell into disarray. His universe shattered after seeing her so broken and that was when he realized he still cared so much. He still and would always love her.

And that really angered him, because loving her hurt.