Soonhoon

Chapter 11

"Hoshi..."He said hesitantly. "I...I'm dating Hansol Sunbae."
I nodded leaning in." And?"
He raised an eyebrow in question. "Isn't that shocking?"
"It would be if you weren't all over each other all the time. But that's it? You went away just because you were dating him? Did he tell you stay away from me? "
He shook his head. "Someone found out two years ago. And people started seeing me different. Hansol doesn't really care about people so he didn't really care about the looks and letters he got. But it was different for me. I couldn't handle it. I was afraid I'd make you a target with me. Or any of you. Mingyu, Jun, Hyung or even Doekyom. I was even more of afraid of you all hating me or finding me disgusting. So I decided to stay away. The looks are still there but it's better because I'm not the center of the attention anymore. People ignore me now. And I think it's for the best. It's just one year and two months from now. And I can get out of this school."
"And you didn't think there was a chance I'd actually be fine with it?" I asked with gritted teeth.
"I did. You didn't think I'd never notice how your eyes keep following Lee Jihoon. I've known you all my life." He sassed.
"Okay wow. Was I that obvious?" He nodded without a moments thought. "Then why did you think I'd ever be disgusted?"
"I was more afraid of you making a mistake like me. I was lucky with Hansol, Hoshi. He's a really sweet person-
"Oh please."I interrupted. "He doesn't even have more than five facial expressions."
"You haven't seen them." He spat. "He's a pretty lively person once you see them." I just rolled my eyes. "What I was more afraid was that you'd make a move and get isolated like me. As much as beautiful love is, it is painful. I didn't want you to hurt."
I nodded. I knew he cared about me more than anything. "But you were selfish." His eyes widened at that. "You didn't ask what I wanted. Did I want to pretend living like a normal person while my best friend abandons me? Did I want to live helplessly without being able to approach a person I like? Did I want to be happy when the people who kept adding happiness to my life kept disappearing?"
"It's not as easy as you make it sound. Getting bullied is really the worst. I've been called things, been hit. There were times when things were unbearable. And at that moment I knew I never wanted you to experience that." His eyes were filled with tears.
"Thank you." I sighed. "And I'm sorry too. But I want you with me. I don't want random people to decide if I can to go to school with my best friend without getting bullied. Or if I can or cannot like a person just because he's a boy. He's already hard to want and get. I don't want somebody to decide what makes me happy. Bickering with you makes me happy. Just like two years ago.
So please don't distance yourself from us. I can take all the bullying and fight with them. Just don't leave me alone again ever."
Seungkwan nodded sniffing. "I'm sorry. I know it hurt you but it killed me too. Everytime I saw you around I missed you. You were so close yet so far."
"You should've just come back then."
"Would you take me back?"
I shook my head. "I would be a little mad but you know I can't live without you."
"Me too. Even if you're annoying and make me want to choke you everytime you open your mouth. I still love you. You're my best friend. And will always be." He suddenly pulled my hands across the table. It was weird as we hugged above the table but it felt home.
"I love you too, bro." I patted his back. "But I'll kill you if your snot gets on my shirt."
I yelped pulling back and rubbed the spot Seungkwan pinched.
"You can't handle a emotional moment, can you?" He said pushing me back. I grinned sheepishly.
Somebody cleared their throat. We turned to see the waiter awkwardly place our order and walk away. I chuckled and Seungkwan soon joined me and it turned into a laughing session  and we talked, laughed and choked on the pizza.
It was half an hour later than the school time when we walked home hand in hand like we did our whole life before. Our hands swinging as we take the same steps.
"I hope we can walk like this again from now on." Seungkwan said giving my hand a slight squeeze.
"Me too." I nodded. "Do you want to hang out today?"
He shook his head lightly. "I really liked today's day. I still have to process I have you back. So I want to have some alone time and prepare myself for tomorrow. I still have to protect you."
I felt giddy inside. "I understand. But if you want to then you know you can come any time."
He nodded. "I know."
"Here we are." I sighed. "Let's go to school together tomorrow."
He nodded and walked in. Sometimes our friendship felt like that of two twelve year old girls. But this is how we were. And I liked it.