After the Storm

Chapter 14: Panic Attack

[Arizona's POV]

A few weeks later, Callie and I returned to work and resumed our normal lives. We hadn't told anybody about the pregnancy or the fact that we moved back in together. For all anyone knew, nothing had changed between us.

Callie and I avoided socializing at work because we wanted to avoid as much suspicion as possible. We weren't exactly together again and we didn't want anybody to misinterpret our current relationship. I wasn't even sure where we stood.

I enjoyed getting to go back to work and continue with my life. Treating patients required focus and it helped to take my mind off of my personal affairs.

I was in surgery, performing a routine appendectomy on a young girl. Alex was there to assist. It was silent in the room and I wanted to believe that it was because this was an easy, unrigorous procedure we'd done a million times. I knew, however, that it was probably due to awkwardness. After all, everybody knew what happened between Callie and I.

I wasn't going to be the one to break the silence. I'd dealt with it for this long and now, it was comfortable.

"So," Alex coughed, as if on cue. "How are you and Torres? You guys work it out?"

"We're fine," I said flatly.

I didn't mean to come across as curt, but I was sick of talking about it. I was sick of thinking about it.

Alex frowned, clearly displeased with the lack of detail in my answer. "You're fine? Are you sure?"

"Yes, Alex. I'm sure," I nodded, fighting to keep my frustration at bay. "Suction."

Alex did as he was told and cleared his throat.

"I thought Torres was leaving you. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

At that point, I abandoned my desire to keep our relationship under wraps. I stiffened, my words getting caught in my throat as I explained the situation.

"We're trying to fix things, actually. We just didn't want to tell anyone yet in case it doesn't work out. She moved back in and for now, we're doing just fine."

Alex looked suspicious. He looked like he knew something that I didn't.

"What?" I questioned.

Alex shook his head quickly. It wasn't like him to be so avoidant.

"Seriously, Alex, what is it?"

"I don't know," Alex hesitated. "I just... I don't think she's forgiving you. And I'm telling you this because I don't want to see you get crushed."

I froze, almost forgetting that I was in surgery. This definitely wasn't the best time to be having this conversation. I had to remind myself that I was responsible for the life of an eleven-year-old right now.

"W-What?" I breathed, suddenly hit with a wave of heat. I felt like I was starting to sweat. "Why would you think that? Did... did she say something to you?"

Alex shrugged nervously. "She said something like, 'I don't know if I can do it again. Maybe it's better if I just move on.' I didn't hear all of it. She was talking to Meredith and Cristina."

I felt my knees buckle. I had my doubts, but overall, I was certain that we'd be able to fix things and continue with our lives. Was this the end? Was she really going to move on without me?

I couldn't lose her. I couldn't live without her. I was starting to panic and I recognized my symptoms, but I couldn't bring myself to do anything about it. I was frozen. I only remember removing my hands from my patient and stumbling backwards.

"Arizona, calm down. Breathe," Alex called, staring at me, eyes wide. "Arizona? Hey!"

That's the last thing I heard before the room blurred and I fell to the ground.

-X-

When I woke up, I was in a hospital bed.

An IV was placed in the crook of my elbow.

"Ow," I moaned, pawing at the needle.

I brought my hand up to my forehead. My head sure hurt.

"Morning," I heard a voice beside me.

I nervously brought my head around and saw Alex in the chair beside me.

"What happened?" I groaned.

"You fainted in surgery,"

Then I remembered the dizziness and the tears and the worry... and that Callie might be leaving me.

"She didn't leave. She's down in the cafeteria right now. I don't think she's leaving you after all, Arizona. She never left your side after she heard what happened. She's really worried about you... and the baby," he added on.

My eyes widened. I didn't care that he knew, but I was worried that it was hurt.

"It's fine, by the way," he said, slumping back in his seat.

"So you're pregnant," he said. "And mildly anemic because of it. That's why you passed out."

I smiled. "I figured I would be at some point. It happens to a lot of women during their pregnancies and I've been feeling woozy for a while."

He laughed. "That was the first thing Callie asked about after she figured out that you were okay,"

She worries about me. That has to mean something. You worry about the people you love, right? Like you worry about your kid getting bullied at school, or your mother having cancer, your significant other leaving you. You worry because you love them.

That has to mean something right?

I don't tend to worry about people I don't care about. I'd feel sorry, but I wouldn't go sick with worry.

Thoughts began racing through my mind.

I focused on Callie. I just waited for Callie to come back to the room, so she could tell me that we were fine, and that we'd get back together.

Alex stayed by my side the whole time until he got paged for a consult by Bailey.

Hours passed as I waited for Callie. Many people came to see me. Meredith, Derek, April, Richard... you name someone.

But not Callie.

She never showed up. I began to lose all faith. She was probably going to leave again. And this time, she wouldn't come back.

I deserved it.

I hurt her. I let this happen, and I deserved it.

She was letting me go, and maybe I should let her go, too. Even if I didn't want to.

Between her and Sofia, they meant more than my own life. And I promised I'd never hurt her again.

But by staying with me, she was hurt. I made a promise. And by letting her go, that was me keeping that promise.